▶ Your Answer :
These days, there are numerous people who
have their own pets. Some people think that it is not helpful for children to
have responsibility by having their own pet. However, I strongly believe that
having a pet is the best way for kids to learn duty for the following two
reasons.
First of all, children who have their own
pets have to manage their time well. This is because animal is a living
organism and they feel hungry too. So, kids have to check time to feed their
pets and pets need to go out and play sometimes. It is important to care own
animals with duty unless they could get ill or even they could die. For
instance, my friend go goes to the national park every Sunday because her pets need
to exercise every week. She have has been doing this activity for 4 years and she
could manage her time well with her routine schedules. Therefore, having a pet
makes people to act regularly.
On top of that, raising an animal makes
children to be mature person. To be specific, children thinks think their pet is part
of their family and show respect them because if they show messy behavior,
their pets are likely to follow what their owners do. From my experience, I
finally got my puppy and when I took him to my home, I thought I do not need to
educate him. Moreover, I liked to yell outside to relieve my stress, but my dog
learned my behavior somehow and he started to bark outside like me. It was
hilarious, but after I saw that, I decided to fix my wrong conduct and acted
like modest girl. Thus, what people act to their pet affects them to behave
like them.
To sum up, by controlling time and editing
inappropriate conduction is beneficial for children.
In this regard, I think taking care their
part of family such as dog or cat is a best method to acquire responsibilities.
Fair: 17`~23 점수: 23 일단 불필요한 부연설명이 너무 많이 보입니다. 간결하게 한 문장으로 끝내도 될것을 계속 해서 이어나가려고 하는 것 이 보입니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 장황하게 모든 것을 설명하려고 하는 것 보다는 간결하게 자신의 의견을 제시하고 말하는 것이 더 좋습니다. 또한 단수 복수 명사 에 따른 동사 사용을 잘 하시길 바랍니다. 이 에세이의 문법적인 부분의 오류는 다 이 부분에서 나왔습니다. 따라서 항상 이 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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