▶ Your Answer : It may seem true that the most effective way for a country to progress is to improve its school. Although people may hold different ideas and opinions, I personally support the idea that spending national funding on schools is not efficient way for a country to advance for the following two subsequent reasons. To begin with, effectiveness of investment in schools is low relatively. To be specific, spending money on schools do does not guarantee tangible results even though the amount of money called for is huge. For example, when I was high school students, one of school alumni donated a lot of money to my school. School built new library and bought many books for students with that money. School and giver expected students to read many books and show some signs of improvements in their studies. However, utilization was terribly low and donator regretted to spend his money on school. On top of that, there are many effective fields to improve compared to education in comparison to the education. One of the most important part of a country is economy. If government invest invests in economy, it will get direct reaction from corporations and workers, such as increasing employment rate and productivity. Indeed, a study conducted by the National Institute of Business is well aligned with this statement. Researchers traced benefits and costs of 10 primary areas in America, involving economy and education, for 10 years. The results showed that the country had progressed in economy effectively at most. In a nutshell, whether the most effective way to for a country to progress is to improve its school is open to interpretation, it is reasonable to claim that it is not wise for a country to invest in education if they want to progress effectively because of two reasons mentioned in this essay.
점수: 26 약간의 문법적 오류들이 있습니다. 이러한 오류들은 제가 첨삭한 부분들을 보면서 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 지금 이 에세이는 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락들이 너무 구체적으로 이유를 서포트 하는 거 같습니다. 간결하게 자신의 주장을 전달할 뿐만 아니라 전반적으로 아주 논리적으로 에세이를 잘 서술한 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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