These days, a lot of people travel around the world for various reasons.
Some people might contends that it is easier to trip with a tour guide
in another country since it has different cultures and languages. However, in
my opinion, I firmly believe that travel without a tour guide is much better
for tourists. There are three compelling reasons for my argument.
First, tour companies are trying to show and
visit all the well known places in a short days. This schedule led some
problems for the tour. They not only gave short time to look around and enjoy
the time but also made the tourists exhausted by the tough schedule every day.
Some tourists travels in order to get some
rest from out of their rough life.
Second, a trend of travel is changing. The
recent research well demonstrates my assertion.
In the past around 2000s, people tendeds
to go another country with a tour guide. However, after the beginning of 2010,
the rate of people who go the travel by themselves increased. I can assume that
the reason of increase are due to the development of internet. Now, it is
easier to find a resources for the trip than the past. Hence, people
more likely to find the best options for their trips.
Third, tourists might have to spend more money
by using s tour guide. The tourists have to tip their tour guide every
day. Not only that but also they have to spend more money for the restaurants
or places since they visited more places than free trips. For example, when I
went to America to visit my granduncle, my family and I traveled the New York city for a week with a tour guide.
After that we traveled around the New York by
ourselves for two weeks. Surprisingly, it costed more with a tour guide.
Finally, traveling with a group produce a lot of
problems. Commonly, if we are using a tour guide, we are traveling with other
families or groups. Since we are traveling with unknown people it can cause the
argument between groups. Also, it is difficult to concentrate in the traveling.
In my experience, I went to a Japan for the first time with a tour guide
and other families. After a few days of trip,
two groups had argument between the decision
making. It ruined the entire tour.
Therefore, the best way to visit somewhere is
not using a tour guide. The schedule will make the tourists exhausted, people
more likely to go free trips and they might have to spend more money.
Fair /Good (22-24)
서론
-people 복수이므로 contends-->contend
첫번째 본문
-파란 부분 조금더 자세히 써주세요. 또한, 가이드 투어가 쉼의 부분을 어떻게 불충족시키는지 더 구체적으로 써주세요.
두번째 본문
-research 단수이므로 demonstrate->demonstrates
-문맥상 과거이므로 tends-->tended
-resources 복수이므로 a 빼주세요.
세번째 본문
-문맥상 과거이므로 traveled
네번째 본문
-나라 앞에 관사 붙이지 않습니다.
-few: 거의 없는, a few: 몇 개의 이 경우에는 몇 일의 여행이므로 a few가 적합합니다.
-two groups 이므로 s 붙여주세요.
본문의 개수를 늘리는 것보다 두개의 본문을 더 풍성하게 쓰시는 것이 글의 설득력이 더 올라가고 고득점에 유리합니다. 두개의 본문을 이유/설명/예시의 틀로 더 자세하고 명확하게 쓰시는 연습해주세요.
문법 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~