▶ Your Answer :
Some
people might think that people can handle their problems themselves without
government supports. However, in my opinion, I
believe that people have to need government
assistance when they have are problems.
There are
two reasons. First, they cannot deal with money
issues on their own. Second, young children or old people need to any
other's help.
To begin
with, the bank is necessary nesseary for
the people who need money. To be specific, if they have trouble with expeanse, the bank will help them. For example,
last years, my parents wanted to open a the
restaurant. However, they did not didn't
have enough money. So, they borrowed money in the bank, and they opened a restaurant the restaurent in this year. Also,
some people have accidents, the society will help.
On top of
that, the people who are young children and elder should
be taken care by others took care of others. To explain, the
children who do not don't have parents
should be raised rasied by adult. Because
they can grow with others’ assistance. sSo government plays in
role of raising growing to young child.
Also the elderly people have to receive recieved
government assistance. They are suggested health care through governments and assitst assistance
of money to live without working. If they do not have any assistancet in the society, they will be meet various vary dangerous situations.
To
sum up, the government can control money issues.
Moreover, some people who need other help can get a care of city. In this
regard, I firmly believe that the people cannot
deal with problems on their own.
Limited (1-16) 글자 수 300자 미만입니다. 미니멈 글자 수 채우지 못하면 감점됩니다.
서론 -철자 오류 government -문제를 갖고 있는 것이므로 have 동사 써주세요.
첫번째 본문 -they can 이 아니라 cannot으로 쓰셔야 본인의 의도에 맞습니다. 본인의 주장의 의미가 바뀌는 실수는 더더욱 조심하셔야합니다. -any other말고 그냥 other's help 로 써주세요. -철자 오류 necessary, expense -특정한 레스토랑 지칭하는 것이 아니므로 a restaurant으로 써주세요. -축약형 지양해주세요. didn't-->did not -마지막 문장 문맥에 맞지 않고 불필요합니다.
두번째 본문 -수동태로 쓰셔야 의미가 맞습니다. children and elder took care of others는 그들이 다른 사람을 케어했다는 뜻입니다. 따라서, 다른 사람이 그들을 케어했다고 써주세요. -축약형 지양 -수동태는 be p.p 의 형태입니다. -대소문자 오류. 문장 처음은 대문자로 씁니다. -growing은 자라다의 뜻이고 키우다는 raising 입니다. -to 부정사는 to +동사 원형입니다. 따라서 과거형-->원형 received-->receive 로 바꿔주세요. -assist 명사형 assistance 가 더 적합합니다. -vary는 동사 입니다. 다양한의 various 써주세요.
결론 -can-->cannot
오류 굉장히 많습니다. 문법 기초부터 차근차근 연습해주세요. 전체적인 영어 실력을 늘리셔야 본인이 원하는 의견을 더 잘 표현할 수 있습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
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