▶ Your Answer : Various opinions may exist over the argument that children should use their time to play and study rather than to do household chores. As far as I am concerned, I disagree with the idea. The two ideas below stated can be valid evidence to prove my point. To begin with, houseworks (불가산명사) can give them some instructions (애매한 표현입니다, 구체적으로 서술하여주세요). If children are too young to do chores, most of the parents works do the work instead of them such as washing their dirty clothes, mopping floors or washing dishes. However, if parents do that things all the chores continuously until they can do that works, it can make them their children lazy. Also, they will never realize about the dedication of their parents. Consequently, chores play a pivotal role in teaching young people. According to the private survey conducted by Seoul National University, most of the adults ,who did chores when they were young, could learn about the importance of houseworks and a feeling of accomplishments. They answered that if it had not been for being instructed from by their parents about chores, they would not know about care (어색한 표현입니다) from their parents and they could learn about diligencey (diligency) from them. (어색한 표현입니다) Moreover, it do not takes does not take a lot of times time to do some housework houseworks. In factActually, washing machines do laundries all the work so what they need to do is to pouring the detergent and pushing a button. Also, cleaning their own room takes about 30 minutes. As a result, there is still time to play the time for play is still remaining a lot. My personal experience can be used to prove my point. When I was young, I was a child who loved playing soccer. I played soccer everyday after school with my friends in same town. However, when I was 10, my mother also went to a workplace started working as well so there was were no people to do chores because she had done all the chores before. Instead of my mother, I did some simple houseworks but it only takes took 1 hours. My friends sometimes helped me so there was no problem to play soccer. This demonstrates that it does not steal time for childern to play. To sum up, doing household works is good for children because it could give some instructions to childern. Also, it takes not much time so it has no influence of on their leisure time.
Score: 16 Comments: - 전체적으로 구조가 잘 잡혀있습니다.
- 제시하신 두번째 포인트가 다소 심플합니다. 다른 포인트를 제시해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. - 설명을 잘 해주셨으나 문법 실수들이 있습니다. one hours (X), one hour (O) 단수 복수 주의해주세요. - housework 불가산명사입니다.
|