▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays many parents think
setting strict rules for their children childeren
is not good for them because it can limit their behavior and decrease
creativity. However as a person who was educated in rigid rules, I would say
that setting rules is very important especailly when children are
growing.
First, children have limited ability to know whether
particular behavior is accepted or not in the society. In this case if parents do not don't direct the proper way,
it can cause them to be impolite. For example, in Korea there are many cafes which do not doesn't
allow children to come in. It is because children who are not
properly instructed the rule which they should follow in public place tend
to run and cry in the place and decrease profit of the cafe. Furthermore
if children do not don't set rules in
their mind they will not won't neither
even they become adults. They can have many conflicts with others and this might cause problems to be a successful
person.
Second, if parents set
rigid rule, children are likely to become sociable than those who are
not. National Research Institution conducted a research about
the relationship between strict rule and sociability. As a result,
those who did not didn't have strict
education from their parents tend to be egocentric and likely
to get bad reputation from others. Especially in Asian
Asain culture, those who are not aren't
sociable have less opportunity to success.
To sum up,
strict rule can show children the proper way they should behave in certain
circumstance and increase social ability. Theses
will increase the likelihood of their there
success and help them to live in the better way.
Limited/ Fair (16-17) 글자 수 300자 미만입니다. 미니멈 글자 수 채우지 못하면 감점됩니다.
서론 -철자 오류 nowadays, children
첫번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요. don't-->do not -세번째 줄에, many 가 앞에 있으므로 cafe-->cafes 복수형 -복수형이므로, 그것을 받는 동사도 복수 동사 do not으로 바꿔주세요. -마지막 문장 복수/단수 형태 잘 구분해서 써주세요.
두번째 본문 -축약형 지양 -철자 오류 Asian
결론 -철자 오류 these -there 은 저기, 저쪽의 뜻입니다. 그들의 라는 뜻은 their입니다. 철자 유의해주세요.
두 본문 이유들은 괜찮습니다. 예시와 설명에서 좀더 구체적/정확하게 서술해주세요. 문법 오류들 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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