▶ Your Answer : Some people might think that buying a new technological device right away is better than waiting until many people have purchased it. (주제 문장 그대로 사용하는 것을 지양해주시고 paraphrase 해 주세요) However, in my opinion, it would be better to wait until others have purchased the device. The rationale behind this is that I can purchase the device cheaper and can test the safety of the device. To begin with, buying a technological device later than many people enables to purchase the device in a cheaper price. In this technologically advanced society, a great amount of cutting edge devices are released every day making devices released earlier outdated. Therefore, as time goes by, the price of devices becomes cheaper and cheaper. For example, when computer was released for the first time in Korea, about 30 years ago, its price was above two thousand dollars. However, theses days, computer is no longer a fresh and new device. Newly developed laptop computers have replaced the old machines. Today, we can purchase computers less than one thousand dollars, which is half of two thousand dollars in the past. Therefore, considering the decline of the price in technological devices, it is beneficial to wait until other people have purchased them.
On top of that, we can make sure if the device is safe or not if we purchase the device later. When a device is newly released, the number of people who have used the device is small. In other words, the person who purchased the device early becomes a subject of an experiment checking its safety and effectiveness. Therefore, it would be wise to purchase a device when we can sure the durability and performance based on other people's reviews on the device. If not, we may become a scapegoat of a incomplete and imperfect product. One good example is galaxy note 5. Last year in Korea, Samsung released a new cell phone called galaxy note 5. Not much after its release, a man posted his review on online that the phone bursted while charing the battery. Other people who bought the phone were shocked, and people who did not purchase it yet decided not to purchase it.
To sum up, it is better off purchasing a device after many people have purchased the device. We can purchase the device inexpensively and guarantee its safety. The importance of my rationale cannot be underestimated for two reasons I have mentioned above.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
|
ORGANIZATION
|
PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
|
LANGUAGE USE
|
GRAMMAR
|
GOOD
|
GOOD
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
|
GOOD
|
각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
|
- 축약형 사용 지양해주세요 (I've --> I have, can't --> cannot) - 주장/예시가 잘 매칭되어 있습니다. 동의어를 사용해서 다양한 단어들이 문장에 사용되게 해 주세요. |