▶ Topic :It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why?
There might be some people who believe that it is not a good idea that built to build a new restaurant restauran in their neighborhood. However, I personally disagreee disagree with this idea for two reasons that I'll be elaborating elaborationg in on the following essay.
To begin with, people can have a variety of options to choose what they want to eat. These days, there are so many kinds of food in the world and people would have preference for to a specific food style. So a new restaurant built buit in the neighborhood can lead people to choose another option when they go out for the dishes. Also, they are able to taste new foods that they have are never known and to experience new style even of even the same type of food. Let me bring out my personal story as an example. When I was in high school, there were are only McDonald's macdonalds in my hometown. So I had to go there and to eat hamburgers whenever I ate the lunch with my friends. However, when I was a graduate school student, a Mexican mexican restaurant was built in my neighborhood. So I could choose another chances not to go to McDonald's the macdonalds. If a new restaurant had not been was not constructed contructed in my neighborhood, I would not have taken take other foods.
Secondly, a new restaurant built in the neighborhood helps to improve the economy economics of the community. If there are more restaurants, they should compete for the customers in the community. Hence, it can make for the restaurant to make the better food than what they made before bulting new restaurants. And people in the community also can also get the better service and give more tips, and it leads to motivates the restaurants more to concentrates more on to their foods. In my opinion opoinion, These all these things help make the economy economics of the community more active. According to a recent survey done by JYP institute institues, 80% of the respondents said that they feel more comfortable with the service of restaurants when they have many restaurants that they do that one. This is due to the possibility that if the consumers do not feel good about the restaurant, they always have always the chance to choose the other restaurants when there are many restaurants. This clearly cleary shows that the economy economics of community can be active by building builting a new restaurant.
In conclusion, a new restaurants makes not only people to have many options to choose the menu, but also and the economy economics of the community to be improved. In this regard, I think building builting a new restaurant in the neighborhood is good way for the community.
Comment : 두 본론에서 제시하는 주장이 주제에 알맞고 내용 역시 잘 설명되어 있지만, 오탈자가 많고 문법오류가 많다는 점이 많이 아쉽습니다. 문법에서 특히 사역동사 사용, 대소문자 구분, 고유명사, 동사원형+ing와 같은 기본적인 문법요소들에 오류가 많으니 주의하셔야 해요. 정확한 문법과 어휘 사용만 보완되어도 훨씬 높은 점수의 글이 될 수 있을 것으로 보입니다. 충분히 오탈자 검토할 수 있도록 시간도 생각하면서 연습해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms (부적절한 단어 또는 형태의 사용) - An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage (두드러지는 문장구조/사용 상의 오류)
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