▶ Your Answer : I believe that governments should spend more money on improving public transportation than on improving roads and highways for the following reasons: to clean the air and to save energy. >space First of all, improving public transit will play a significant role in reducing air pollution. It is obvious that increased use of buses, subways, and trains can decrease the number of cars dirvers as well as reduce automobile emissions. When governments and individuals take responsibility and actions to decrease activities related to gas emission, they can solve pollution problems. For example, Seoul, the capital of the Republic of Korea, has free bus using day on every first Monday of the month to promote clean air in the city. Citizens happily happlily participate not only because beacuse it is free, but because they also know it is for the environment. As a result, there is an increase in the number of people who take buses instead of driving their own cars. This contributes to a reduction in greenhouse gases, creating less air pollution. 무료로 대중교통을 제공하는 것은 'improve'와는 조금 개념이 다른 것 같아요. 대중교통을 개선하는 것이 일차적인 의미이므로 이 부분과 관련된 사례를 제시하는 편이 나을 것으로 보입니다. >space Moreover, enhancing of public transportation will help to overcome today's energy crisis. It is an undeniable fact that people will use more buses, subways, and trains when such public transits provide faster, more fast, moreconvinient and cheaper service than cars. 이것이 에너지 절감과 무슨 관련이 있는지를 먼저 설명해주세요. For instance, Korean government had invested in long distance railways in 1990's in order to provide better public transportation service. As a result of those investments, KTX, a high-speed railways, started its service at early of in 2000's. KTX innovatively reduced spending time between Seoul and Busan which was usually usally taken taking more than 6 hours by cars or buses but now is taken less than 4 hours by KTX so that people prefer to use KTX on long distance travel rather than to use their own cars after introducing KTX. It is clear that the more people use public transit other than private automobiles the less fossil fuel is used. In the long run, using KTX can attribute to less consumption consume of fossil fuel.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that governments should spend more money on improving public transportation for the reasons I mentioned above.
Comment : 주제에 맞게 주장을 잘 생각해주신 것 같아요. 사례 내용이 주제와 조금 동떨어진 느낌이 들거나 설명이 더 필요한 부분 위주로 보완해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 오탈자 유의해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |