▶ Your Answer :
Some people
think that giving students information is more important job for teachers than
helping them to have confidence. However, I disagree with them because there
are plenty of ways to earn information without teachers and self-confidence is
more important than knowledge in our life.
To begin with, students can get knowledges through so many channels while there are not many means to get self-confidence.
Students can find information by simply reading books. Especially, in these
days, we can get almost every information that we want to learn through the
iInternet. In contrast, the self-confidence is not earned in that way. We can
earn it from the one who we really believes in and respects us. When someone who has
our trust and admiration acknowledges or supports us, then the self-confidence
is formed in our inside us. There are not many much people that whom we really trust and who have having a close relationship with us while the iInternet is always available. '교사'가 이것을 해 줘야 하는 이유에 대한 설명이 필요한데, 지식은 어디에서나 배울 수 있다는 점과 자신감을 높이는 것이 어렵다고만 설명하고 있으므로 주제에 대한 답변이 될 수 없습니다. '교사의 역할'에 대한 문제라는 점에 유의해주세요. For
example, although if teachers do not deliver information to us, there are
plenty of ways that we can get it. However, if they do not try to care about the
process that their students grow self-confidence, they have to achieve some hard great
jobs to have respect in themselves which is most of normal students cannot do
with on their own.
On top of that, a self-confidence is more
essential for our life than information. A lack of confidence would be a
significant obstacle which prevents every challenges and growth in our life. Sure,
there are some difficulties if we do not have much information, but it does not
disturb us from developing to develop or makes us an immature person. Imagine two people. that oOne who
is lacks of knowledges but who knows that he/she is a person that deserves to be
happy and the other one who knows a lot of things but does not know that how great
he/she is, and does not trust himself/herself. Whom do you want to be like? Which one Whom is the one that you want to be a friend with? Almost Most people would choose the first
one. 자신감이 중요한 이유만 설명하고 있으므로 '교사의 역할'에 대해 질문한 주제와는 관련이 없는 답안입니다.
The thing that makes people mature is not
knowledges in our head., iIt is a self-esteem in our mind. Also, about information,
the specialty is on the iInternet, not from teachers. For these reasons, I think trying
to help students to have more confidence is more important than have more
information.
Comment : 주제가 묻는 내용은 지식과 자신감의 비교가 아니라 '교사가' 어디에 더 초점을 두는 것이 중요한가입니다. 현재 답안은 교사의 역할보다 지식과 자신감 자체의 중요성 비교에 초점이 가 있기 때문에 off-topic의 답안으로 보일 가능성이 큽니다. 주제에 맞게 '왜' 지식전달보다 학생들의 자신감 향상을 돕는 것이 선생님이 초점을 두어야 하는 일인지 보여줄 수 있는 주장들로 답안을 제시해주세요. 주제에 맞게 답안을 다시 구성해보시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 오탈자와 문법오류도 많은 편이니 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms (부적절한 단어 또는 형태의 사용)
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