▶ Your Answer : Various opinions may exist over the argument that with the assistance of the Internet, students can learn more effectively. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the intriguing argument. The idea below stated can be valid evidence to prove my point. - Love your introduction but it would be better to slightly state the two reasons instead of telling the readers to find the reasons on the body paragraph
To begin with, students can see the lecture of famous lecturers by using the Internet. In Korea, most of the famous teachers are crowded in Seoul which is the capital city of Korea. Accordingly, there is no chance for students who do not live in Seoul there to take the classes from of them. However, nowadays, many private academic schools are filming the class and are posting it on their own website for the purpose of earning money. Consequently, these online lectures are significantly helping the students as they can take those classes through by the Internet so it is significantly helpful to them. My personal experience can be used to support my view. When I was an university student, I could had not decided on what to would I do after graduation. I severly pondered and decided to go going to a medical graduated school. To get in, I had to prepare for the MEET(Medical Eligibility Estimating Test), a test required for the admissions application that was the exam for the admission. It was consisted of biology, chemistry and organic chemistry. This test was subjects were so difficult for me so it was impossible to study it by myself. To make matters worse, there was no academy specialized in of MEET in the city where I lived. However, there was a website Internet site which was runned by Mega MD which was a the private school specialized in for the MEET. It sold its lectures on the Internet so without directly going to Seoul to take courses, I prepared the test conveniently through the Internet lectures. Finally, I got accepted by could go to the medical graduated school. This demonstrates that the Internet could be exploited as a useful means for study.
To sum up, the Internet can be used positively for young students because they can watch the lectures lecutre of famous professors by the Internet.
노란색 부분은 필요 없는 부분들을 뜻합니다
토플 라이팅의 기본 구조는 Introducion, Body1, Body 2, Conclusion 입니다
그러나 이 에세이에는 Body1만 존재합니다. 다음부터는 최소한 2개의 바디를 만드러 보세요 -- 바디 하나만 있으면 좋은 점수 받기 어렵습니다
Inroduction은 좋았으나 토픽 문장을 좀 제시해 주시면 좋겠습니다
문제는 Body 입니다
Body의 주장은 인터넷 강의를 통해 학생들이 유명 교수의 수업을 들을 수 있다인데, 예시에 유명 교수 관련 이야기가 없습니다.
예시 또다른 문제점이 있습니다: MEET에 관한 설명이 너무 깁니다. 단순히 MEET라는 시험을 봐야 하나, 근처에 배울 곳이 없어 인터넷 강의를 들었다고 쓰시면 됩니다.
수고하셨습니다 |