▶ Your Answer :
Many species have become extinct and
endangered as their natural habitat has been converted for human land-use
purposes. Thus, society has a responsibility to make efforts to save endangered
species since the potential extinction of those species is the result of human
activities. However, at the same time, the extinction of species has a great
impact on ecological balance as well as human life and the development of
technology, so society should make efforts to prevent the potential extinction
of those species even though the potential extinction is not the result of
human activities. ^
To begin with, the extinction of an
endangered species has a significant repercussion on ecological balance so that
society should make efforts to protect those species. If one element of the
food chain disappears, that will disrupt the whole nature of a community.
Eventually, that will threaten human life since we are all living on the Earth.
For example, plants are a major source of food for animals, and they are too
susceptible to increased atmospheric and water pollution. When plant life is
threatened, animals struggle to acquire food for their survival, and that will
have an impact on human life. Therefore, protecting endangered species is a
significant work for the ecosystem in balance as well as human well-being. ^
However, some people might say that society
would pay so much money to protect endangered species without no practical
results for people. Although people should spend a large amount of money and
time for saving endangered species, we never ignore the benefits of
biodiversity to develop a technology. Most important invention and theories
have come from nature. In an aircraft wing design, for example, a mechanical
engineer has emulated the structure of whales. Through the great aerodynamic
abilities of whales, scientists could make effective aircraft wings. Likewise,
a majority of medicine have come from nature. For example, exploring the Amazon
forest with great biodiversity have engendered many discoveries of resources
for new medicine. If an endangered species is extinct, the research of science
and medicine would be have threatened due to the loss of cherished resources. ^
In conclusion, society should make efforts
to save endangered species even if the potential extinction of those species is
not the result of human activities due to the reasons mentioned above; the
extinction of species has a great impact on the ecological balance as well as
the research of science and medicine.
Fair/Good (22-24) 두번째 본문 -파란 부분 이해하기 어렵습니다. although를 삭제하시던지 본인의 의도에 맞게 다시 써주세요. -가정법 미래 이므로 과거 완료 시제 부적합합니다. would be 로 써주세요.
전체적으로 내용 보충 필요합니다. 또한, 문법/표현력 부족으로 문장의 의미를 이해하기 어려운 부분이 있습니다. 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~ |