▶ Your Answer : Nowadays, a lot of people visit other countries to see culture and landscape. People who visit other countries want to see their culture as fast as possible. Therefore, people go to the museum for watching artifacts or historic things.
To begin with, museums offer a myriad of much information to tourists such as, when did the country was built build, some famous people of the country person, famous foods, etc. People are able to learn about their culture by touring museums. Country Countries want to display their cultures and historic persons or events to the tourist. The best place to display them that is the museum. I will take my personal experience as an example., wWhen I visited Cambodia, I could see there are a lot of oriental artifacts and historical events such as, Anchor watt and Killing field. I went to Killing field museum and there were are many things to look and there was a board displaying historical event in Cambodia. Therefore, I learned about their culture in museum just 2 hours. Museum was effective to learn the culture learning place ever. 짧은 시간 안에 그 국가에 대해 많은 것들을 배울 수 있어서 간다는 문단의 요지를 가장 먼저 제시하고 '짧은 시간에 잘 배우게 된다'라는 부분에 좀 더 초점을 두고 풀어주세요.
Moreover, people can not learn about their culture without museum. Museum is like an artifacts container, so people can see well-preserved artifacts. People have to tour all over the region to see famous artifacts and historical event. If were not Without museum, most of artifacts would be are decayed or decomposed. Museum plays an important role rule in preserving cultural artifacts. 박물관의 주요 기능에 대한 설명은 '사람들이 박물관에 방문하는 이유'가 될 수 없습니다. 주제에 대한 답변이 되도록 표현을 더 다듬어주세요. For instance, when I visited Rome with my father, I went to Museum of Rome to see miniature of Colosseo and of the tower of Pisa. It was They were so realistic and huge like a real one. Besides, there were are a number of artifacts from Colosseo and Pompeii Pompay region. I did not have to go to Pisa and Pompeii Pompay to see them. It was so practical and saved so much time to travel. Although, I did not have much time to travel all over the Rome, I was enjoying enough, and able to spend my time going to go another other countries. 시간을 절약할 수 있다는 요지가 본론1과 같으므로 반복이 불필요한 내용입니다.
In this regard, pPeople go to the museum for many reasons. People They can see and learn about historical event and places by visiting museums and even see historical artifacts for of the countries. Museum plays an important role rule in travel.
Comment : 질문이 묻는 것은 사람들이 박물관에 가는 '이유'이므로 기본적으로 답변의 방향 역시 '이러이러한 점 때문에 간다'라는 형태가 되어야 합니다. 단순히 박물관이 어떤 기능을 하는지만 설명하는 것은 논제와의 관련성을 충분히 보여줄 수 없으므로 '시간을 아끼려고 간다'라거나 '그 나라에 대해 더 잘 알려고 간다'하는 식의 '근거'가 명확히 드러나게끔 내용을 다듬을 필요가 있습니다. 문단을 구성할 때는 요지가 분명히 먼저 드러나도록 주장을 제시하고, 설명과 사례가 관련된 내용으로 단계적으로 이어질 수 있도록 조직해주세요~ 오탈자와 문법오류도 아직 많은 편이니 꼼꼼하게 체크해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |