■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success." Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.
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Some people think that luck is has important to the success of objective. However, I have a different idea. First of all, people they could not make an achievement without based on their ability even they had a lucky chance. Secondly, luck is very uncertain substances.
To begin with, the proper ability is the foremost thing in order to accomplish success. Succeeding in one field requires the professional skills and knowledge in order to make a high performance than others. their peers. Hence, the people who succeed in their job made a lot of efforts to increase their ability rather than depending on luck. Moreover, if they experienced temporary temporal succeed success due to the lucky event, they are have a hard to handle their tasks so as they can could not maintain their success and fame. 운과 노력을 비교하는 것이 아니라 '운은 전혀 관련이 없다'라는 점에 대한 의견을 설명해야 합니다. '순전히 노력으로만 가능한 것'이라는 입장이므로 '운만으로는 안 된다'가 아니라 '노력만이 성공에 영향을 미친다고 보는 이유'에 초점을 두는 편이 주제 반영 면에서 더 적절해 보입니다. 현재 글에서 '운좋게 성공하더라도'라는 식의 표현은 운으로 성공할 수 있다는 점을 인정하는 셈이므로 모순이 생기게 됩니다. 운으로 일이 잘 풀리는 건 성공이라 할 수 없다, 노력만이 진짜 성공을 이끌어낸다, 하는 식으로 좀 더 주제에 직접적인 답변이 가능한 주장으로 발전시켜주시면 좋을 것 같아요. For example, people can easily can see the celebrities celebrity who sustain their success for a long period attribute their accomplishment to efforts through an interview. sSuccessful people have a tendency to make a thorough effort to improve their strong point and decrease shortcomings. shortage. My country's famous badminton player, Kim, is well known for his excellent serve skill. According to her interview, she always spends a 6 hours at a day practicing to maintain serve ability. Also, she said that since the badminton is the game that changes easily, she cannot it is reluctant to depend on luck.
On top of that, the possibility for success relying on the lucky event is very low. Since the people can not control their environment, whoever could not predict the occurrence of the lucky event at the adjust time. 예측 가능성이 낮다는 것이 주제에서 묻는 '성공'과 무슨 관련이 있는지 모르겠어요. 주제가 묻는 것은 성공과 운이 전혀 관련이 없다고 보는 이유이므로 '성공'의 특징이나 성공을 위한 요인으로서의 노력과 함께 비교하는 답안이 필요합니다. For instance, today, a lot of new businesses are company is launching. However, there only a few of people can succeed to work because the many people who have a similar idea and items compete simultaneously. Their service quality shows the continuous increase in order to win the competition. Hence, the possibility for of success in one's own fields is decreasing every year. If the people try to succeed success depending on their luck, they could not achieve the accomplishment. 성공을 위해 운에만 의존하면 안 되는 이유는 주제와 아무런 관련이 없습니다.
To sum up, expert skill is the more important factor of success rather than luck. Also, depending on luck is very difficult. In this regard, I agree with that the luck is not an important factor for the success.
Comment :
주제가 묻는 것은 운과 성공이 '전혀' 관계가 없다고 보는가, 입니다. 따라서 답안은 성공과 운이 아무런 관련이 없다고 보는 이유를 설명할 수 있어야 합니다. 현재 답안은 성공을 위해 운에만 의존하면 안 되는 이유를 설명하고 있기 때문에 논점이 맞지 않습니다. 주제에 대한 답변이 가능하도록 답안의 방향을 다시 잡아보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 오탈자와 문법오류도 많은 편이니 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2/5
An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우)
- Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우)
- Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task
(설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우)
- A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms (부적절한 단어 또는 형태의 사용)
- An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage (두드러지는 문장구조/사용 상의 오류)