The world nowadays is polluted by so many developed machines and materials. To improve the environment we makes so many political technical acts. Among them, I believe conducting the act that local shops do not provide plastic bags to consumers is the best way to protect the local environment. There are several reasons.
First of all, if we decide to plant tree and create garden, it takes so much time and a lot of money because we have to hire some people who plant treess and wait until grasses are grow. Furthermore, there are so many places to spend local government's locals’ budget and environment is not the only one problem we have. We don’t have to waste this. However, not providing proved plastic bags is helpful for local shops because they do not don’t have to make plastic bags and also local government do not have to pay money even a penny. Habit of bringing customer's their own shopping bag can contributed to protect environment. Moreover, shopping bags are usually folded and light so, may be it’s not uncomfortable.
Secondly, people can be annoyed because of the act that using public transportation. Selfish individuals who live in modern society can not think broadly so they compared themselves to others who live in neighbor local and refute about limit in front of them. They can not understand the reason why they have to use public transportation and pursue their own profits so it is hard to support that rule. In addition public transportations are not spread in whole city and there are some place that people have to ride their own car. Also, there are other options such as walking or riding a bicycle. Because of this, people may not be don’t agree about the government's policy governments’ word.
For these reasons, I believe to not providing proved plastic bags in local shop is the best way to protect environment. I hope many people bring their own shopping bag when they go on a market.
Limited (15-16)
첫번째 본문
-철자 오류
-are grow 둘다 동사입니다. are 빼주세요.
-local은 local government를 뜻하신 것인가요
-줄친 부분 불필요합니다.
-prove 아니고 provide동사입니다. 또한, 주어 자리이므로 동사 -->동명사로 해주세요.
-축약형 지양해주세요. don't-->do not
-even a penny 같은 표현 토플에서 지양해주세요.
-주어 자리이므로 bring-->bringing 동명사
-their이 가리키는 대상이 나와있지 않으므로 customer라고 더 구체적으로 써주세요.
-마지막에 줄친 부분 불필요한 내용입니다.
두번째 본문
-cannot은 붙여씁니다.
-파란 부분 이해하기 어렵습니다.
-maybe don't 은 어색한 표현입니다. 그냥 may not으로 써주세요.
결론
-철자 오류
왜 plastic bag를 안주는 것이 환경보호에 가장 좋은지, 다른 것들의 단점으로만 주장하지 마시고 이것의 이점으로 주장해주세요. 또한, 문장력/표현/문법 오류/실수 때문에 내용을 이해하는 것에 방해가 있습니다. 문법면에서 아주 많은 연습이 필요합니다. 본인의 주장에 대한 이유도 모호하고 따라서, 그것에 대한 설명도 모호합니다.
수고하셨습니다~~