▶ Your Answer : Various opinions may exist over the argument whether it is necessary for companies to invest more money on improving their employees' job skills. As far as I am concerned, I am in complete agreement with the argument. The two ideas stated below can be valid evidence to support my view. First of all, spending more money on employees are essential for enhancing employees' job skills because it provides more opportunities for employees to enhance their capabilities. Having more opportunities associated with job skills enables employees to learn more and cultivate potentials. Employees nowadays are living in a world of meritocracy where only extremely talented people can survive. Consequently, many employees suffer physically and mentally from tight schedules and highly competitive environments. In the long run, employees can not but miss chances to delve into numerous issues for self-improvement. This explains why it is better for companies to offer more chances to their employees in increment of job techniques in honing potentials that could have been overlooked. According to a recent study conducted by Seoul National University of Korea, most of the surveyed respondents answered that they were strongly influenced by their companies support for their job skills. They also responded that if it had not been for their companies' aids, they might have not acquired useful occupational skills. Therefore, I strongly recommend that companies should invest more money bucks to improve their employees' job capacities. On top of that, companies should spend more capital in improving their employees' professional abilities because it is an excellent way of enhancing employees' insights and outlooks since employees can have more perspectives which could not have been acquired before the aid of their companies. While growing up, many people are immersed by tons of information and knowledge about this world through formalized education. The problem that comes with this is that most of the information and knowledge is conveyed with the source's viewpoint and they can easily become shortsighted if they do not have chances to experience and broaden their horizon. In many cases, lack of experience or stereotype is a serious concern that hinders people, especially in employees' success. Therefore, in order to gain well-balanced views and become more cultured, companies should use their money more than now to their employees. A research conducted by a renowned professor named Sam Ail from Berkely University indicates that people who frequently received more aids from their companies to improve their jobs skills attain the goal of becoming competent employee in a much more effectual way whereas having the same accomplishments is somewhat stunted for employees who did not have opportunities to enhance their capabilities from their own companies. Likewise, his research proves that my argument is compelling. To sum up, I believe my explanations above sufficiently prove the advantages of supporting more money to companies' employees for enhancing their job abilities. Obviously, the significance of building potentials and gaining perspectives associated with their jobs can not be overemphasized enough.
Good (26-30)
첫번째 본문 -bucks-- informal한 표현입니다. 지양해주세요.
결론 -cannot 붙여서 씁니다.
내용 두 본문 다 좋습니다. 문법도 괜찮습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
|