There might be some people who
believe that people's interest on their appearance and fashion is not too much.
However, I personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons.
People tend to spend a lot of money on their appearance in modern society and
they appraise others according to their appearance.
To begin with,
budget that people use to deck out themselves is enormous. To be specific, some
people replace their wardrobe seasonally and spend their money on plastic
surgeries. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. My friend named Tom
has ever used all of his money to take plastic surgeries, but he is not yet
satisfied and wants to do more. Excessive spending habit will destroy them.
When it comes to seeking money, every penny counts. (Awkward meaning) If they don't used to
working on a tight budget, (Wrong sentence, what does it mean?) they will be short on cash later
In addition, people have
misconception that an attractive person would be success regardless with their
abilities. This illusion comes from music industries that provide rewards based
on outward appearance. According to recent research done by Korea University
professor Kim, 80% of respondents said that they are inclined to choose the
best singer as a favorite singer due to their fascinating appearance rather
than their performance. This clearly shows that modern people are vulnerable to
an exterior's tempt.
In conclusion,
people not only spend a lot of money, but also evaluate others according to
their appearance and fashion these days. In this regard, it is their appearance
and fashion for people to put too much importance on these days
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence |
점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 |
Score | Limited 15-18 | - 모호한 문장의 글이 다소 많은 편이에요.
- 정확한 그래머와 표현을 사용하여 주세요. - music industries? 다소 모호하기 때문에, star on TV show등으로 구체적으로 표현하여 주세요.
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