▶ Your Answer : Some people think that they gain more satisfaction when they travel in their local own country. However, in my opinion, going abroad for a trip can provide more advantages because it helps people to foster an accurate understanding of other cultures and gives them an opportunity to approach their own culture differently.
To begin with, traveling around foreign countries prevents people from being misinformed about other cultures. To be specific, people often get information on other countries from a diversity of sources such as the internet. Much sources of information is are prone to have having some prejudices or factual errors. So we need to correct our misunderstanding of foreign cultures by visiting other nations directly. For example, based on what I saw on a TV news program covering terrors caused by Islamic groups Islams, I thought that people that live in Iran tend to be violent. But when I went to Iran for trip, the situation was different from my expectation. Local people were so kind enough to offer me free drinks and helped me to locate certain places. As a result, I realized that my existing thoughts about Iran were completely prejudices.
On top of that, observing divergent lifestyles of foreign people during trip encourages people to think back their lifestyles. To be specific, each nation has its unique customs that result from their life value. If people travel abroad, they will experience a divergent life styles in all sorts of areas such as food and daily routines. This gives people a chance to look back their own lives in their thier mother country, leading to significant changes of their lives in some cases. For example, I used to be busy with many tasks works when I was in a high school. I believed that it was not irregular because many neighbors neighborhood people lived the same samw way. However, when I met the opposite lifestyle in Denmark, I began to think about what is the best lifestyle again. People in Denmark often enjoyed taking a break during the day very often and did not seem to be hasty. After returning to my country, I have been trying to take a relaxing time frequently because I thought break is also an important part of life.
To sum up, taking a trip to foreign countries is more beneficial because it makes people have more exact information about other cultures and inspires people to reconsider their lives. In this regard, I think that hanging around other nations provides more profits.
Comment : 문화적인 측면에서 편견을 버릴 수 있고, 자신의 삶을 돌아볼 수 있다는 주장이 입장을 뒷받침하기에 좋은 것 같아요. 오탈자와 문법실수가 많은 편이니 품사 사용, 수일치, 어휘 사용 등 정확한 표현이 가능하도록 신경써주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |