▶ Your Answer :
It has become a hot topic whether or not the ability to maintain friendship with a small number of people over a long period of time is more essential for happiness than ability to make a lot of new friends easily or not. (Better to paraphrase the sentence) Some may say that having many friends is helpful for one's happiness. However, I agree with the given statement as it is obvious that there are so many happy things from the relationship over a long period of time. My reasons are as follows. First of all, there is the thing that only comes from the relationship over a long period of time. (What is "The thing"?) It is hard to have absolute trust to new friends because people can not know many things about each others. On the contrast, in the long term time relationship, they already know enough to have trust each other and could form a deeper level of trust between them. Obtaining trust from friends Having such trusted friends would be a great pleasure and happiness to one can be connected with happiness. For example, when I was 26, I needed money for preparing my coffee shop. I had to get enough money within one month. I spent spend a lot of time for finding someone to lend me money, but it was not easy. So I decided to explain my situation to my best friend from junior high school who mingled with since middle school student. However, he gave me the money before I explain my situation. I felt thanks and happy by his trust for me. I greatly appreciated his kindness and willingness to help me. This is the reasons why trust from long relation can make happiness.
Second, the relationship made over a long period of time can give a psychological stability to people. Because they know well each other about what they like and dislike, the possibility to conflict is not that high and, in this relationship, people can feel psychological stability ,which can connect happiness. (Awkward sentence) On the contrary, new friends can not make psychological stability because there is a possibility to conflict easily. For example, when I was a university student, I tripped often traveled to different places with my old friend. During the trip, we did not fight since we knew each other well. Not just during the trip after the trip, I felt psychological stability from the relationship and it means that happiness for us. (What do you mean?)
In conclusion, I agree with the given statement by the reasons I mentioned above.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 2 | Score | Limited 5-10 | - 어법구조가 대부분 잘못되어 있어요.
- sentence의 어법 구성이 대부분 단순한 구조인데, 예를 들면 a possibility to conflict is not high 를 한국어로 변환하여도 "싸울 가능성이 높지 않다" 문장으로써, 토플의 formal essay이와는 어울리지 않는 표현이에요. 문장력을 보다 높여주셔야 합니다.
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