▶ Your Answer : It is of great worth to discuss whether or not some people think that being patient is a good way when many conflicts occur due to competition. The answer to this question can vary depending on each individual's perspective. As far as I am concerned, I disagree with the given statement because I can gain a variety of experience and save my time by being active while dealing with trouble. First of all, handling many conflicts can all be precious experiences. Experience is one of the most essential factors to succeed in life. Imagine people only have textbook knowledge, so they don't they do not take any action on conflicts. They will be so narrow while dealing with trouble. By attaining a myriad of experience in conflicts, you can gain not only not only gain diverse experience but also broaden their horizons of the world as well. For instance, a study conducted by ABN, one of the most renowned research centers in South Korea, is a good example of this. The researchers tracked the lifestyle of 200 students in university over a one-year period in order to find out their perspectives when they have many discussions with others. What they found is intriguing. The students who take criticism to others tend to have better perspectives than those who rarely did. The findings showed that having many discussion makes people have good perspectives. 아주 논리적으로 잘 풀어나갔습니다. 특히 구체적인 설명에서 예시로 넘어가는 부분이 아주 매끄럽게 이어나갔습니다. 문법적인 오류도 보이지 않았고요. Second, many conflicts can save our time compared to being patient. If you waste time just being shy about your problems, does time wait for you? The answer would be no. Since people cannot turn time back, they must use their time productively by dealing with problems more actively. In the world we live in, time is gold, so people must save as much time as they can. In this sense, taking a good action to conflicts can be helpful. The perfect example of this is my own experience. When I was a high school student, I had to do an assignment with a team. Because of this, I had to go through such a difficult situation that I don't like team member's idea. I got stressed a lot, but I thought I needed to say my opinion though it would make trouble. However, I put a lot of efforts in perceiving my opinion to team members, and finally got a good outcome. Had I spoken my opinion faster, we would have saved much time. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the advantages of being active far outweigh the advantages of being patient for the reasons that I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of being active cannot be overlooked. Good: 24~30 점수: 26 전반적으로 논리적으로 잘 풀어나갔습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한것은 본인의 의견과 이유를 설득력 있게 상대방에게 잘 전달 할 수 있는 가 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 이러한 요건을 아주 잘 충족하고 있습니다. 각 바디에서 본인의 이유를 서포트하는 설명이나 예시들이 적절하게 어울려졌고 설득력 있었습니다. 문법적 오류들도 없었고요. 수고많으셧습니다. |