▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that generalists are
more competent in today’s society. However, considering the history of
industrial revolution and other changes, specialists were the foremost leader
in every sector, every society. Moreover, due to the development of IT, getting diverse variety of information is much easier than in any other period. (a variety of, various는 셀 수 있는 명사의 복수형과만 결합)
First of all, there is a specialization and
division of task in all parts of the world. That is, people should master at
least one or two fields if they do not want to be fallen fell behind. The importance of
having in-depth knowledge can be applied to athletes as well. C. Ronaldo is a
direct example. Ronaldo is famous for
polishing on knowledge and skills required for the forward position. In Real Madrid
in which Ronaldo belongs to is, there is always division of the position. All players do their
own specialized tasks . Suppose that
Ronaldo should learn defensive, goalkeeping knowledge equal to his attacking
knowledge. Can he score more goals by learning the requirement for the goalkeeper?
Absolutely not. Like soccer, it is better for people to perfect specific
knowledge and skills in their own areas. 한 분야에서만 깊이 아는 것이 '왜' 더 나은지에 대한 설명이 빠져 있습니다. 다방면에 걸쳐서 알다보면 지식이 얕다거나 한 가지만 잘 하는 게 전문성을 강조하는 데 더 도움이 된다거나 하는 식으로 근거가 명확히 설명되어야 합니다.
On top of that, there will be more stress
if people should prepare for a wide range of abilities. Plus, it would be
inefficient. Owing to the advancement of IT, finding general information and
knowledge is even affordable. People do not have to be obsessed with searching
knowledge nowadays. For example, there was a poll conducted by the institute of
career development in Korea with 2000 university students as respondents. The
purpose of the survey was to understand the tendency about how people get a variety of abilities in at school. The majority of respondents ranked using the Iinternet or asking other people for advice over struggling to be the
generalist. The reasons were mainly concerned with efficiency and the fact that
they do not have enough time for mastering their own major. 정보를 찾기 쉬워진 것과 한 분야에서 깊이있게 지식을 쌓는 것 사이에는 직접적인 관련성이 없습니다. 둘 중에 어떤 것을 '하기에 쉬운지' 묻는다기보다는 여러 분야의 지식을 (상대적으로 얕게) 가지고 있는 것과 한 분야의 지식을 깊이 있게 갖추고 있는 것 중 무엇이 더 나은지 묻는 문제이므로, 그렇게 되기 위한 과정을 비교하는 것은 현재 주제에서 의미가 없습니다. 다양한 분야의 정보를 찾는 것은 누구나 할 수 있다는 점은 부연 설명에 해당하므로 한 분야에서 깊이있게 아는 것이 더 좋다고 보는 '이유'를 제시해주어야 합니다.
In conclusion, as specialization is
prevalent in contemporary society, people have no choice but to brush up their
own specific capacity or talent. Furthermore, they do not have to develop
general ability because of rife information sources which are is available whenever they need.
Comment : 주제가 묻는 내용에 더 정확한 답변을 해줄 수 있도록 내용을 발전시켜주세요. 현재 답안은 정보에 대한 설명이 나열되어 있는 부분이 많아서 구체적으로 한 분야의 지식을 깊이 있게 갖추는 것이 더 나은 '이유'를 분명히 보여주지 못한다는 점이 아쉽습니다. 어색한 표현과 수량 표현 관련 오류도 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우)
- Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우)
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