▶ Your Answer : Some people contend that It is not fair that athletes or entertainers get a great deal of money it is unfair for athletes or entertainers to get a great deal of money. However, from my personal opinion, I strongly believe that athletes and entertainers get enough financial supports since athletes are competing compete at the risk of their whole life and some entertainers play a key role in improving country’s reputation.
First of all, it is obvious that some sports are extremely vulnerable to numerous accidents. Thus, it is no wonder that some athletes always keep in mind the fact that they could get injured while they are performing play and perform In this context, suppose that they could not even ensure their rewards and payments, Is it is it possible for them to focus fully on their performance? The answer will definitely be “no ”. For the sake of athletes’ health and their best records, lots of financial compensations are bound to be necessary. To illustrate my point better, take one of my friends as an example, he was longing to be a member of the national ski jump team since he was eleven and put a lot of effort on brushing up skills. Meanwhile, he had a terrible accident on account of old ski shoes. His leg was severely broken and he had to get a surgery in no time. However, He was not afford he was not afforded to manage expensive surgery expense. On the nick of the time, the athletic association contacted with him and announced that they will pay the price for all his surgeries. Thanks to Due to (Thanks to는 부정적인 causal relationship) their support, he could keep going after his dream and in this Winter Olympics, he ended up getting a gold medal. 이 바디 부분에서 가장 좋았던 점은 바로 예시입니다. 첨에 본인의 주제는 운동선수는 위험에 항상 직면해 있기에 돈을 많이 받아야한다 라고 말을 하였습니다. 이 부분을 서포트 하기 위해서 서술하신 스키점프 선수 얘기는 이 바디의 논리성을 더 높여 주었습니다. Moreover, sometimes entertainers make it possible for the country to get a huge success. Creating positive reputation and impression would be every country’s crucial goal. However, It is definitely not easy to find the right way to manage this. Entertainers such as artist and musicians could have positive effect on improving country’s reputation. Take my country, South Korea, as an example, in the world music industry K-pop was neither a famous nor popular genre and had hard time finding out its own style. Meanwhile, Psy, a famous Korean singer, released a song named “Gangnam style” and It made a huge success. Thanks to Psy, the K-pop genre could get a opportunity to stand in the world stage. Also, with the effort of the K-pop boom, the government could attract numerous tourists including K-pop fans to Korea and could gain a lot of profits. 싸이의 강남 스타일 얘시는 좋았습니다. 하지만 왜 유명 엔터테이너나 스포츠 선수들이 돈을 더 많이 받아야하는지에 대해서 서술 되어 있지 않습니다. 그냥 싸이가 우리나라를 알리게 햇다 라고만 서술하였습니다. 이것 보다는 이러한 것 때문에 우리나라를 유명하게 만들었기 때문에 돈을 더 받아야한다 라고 서술하시는 것이 좋을 거 같아요.
All things considered, I would say that athletes and entertainers are entitled to get a great deal of financial supports since athletes devote their talent at the risk of their life and entertainers contribute to improve the reputation of the country. Good: 24~30 점수: 24 전체적으로 논리 있게 서술하였습니다. 제가 참석한 것을 보앗듯이 첫 번째 바디는 아주 잘 서술하엿습니다. 왜 유명 운동선수들이 돈을 더 많이 받아야하는 지 알 수 있는 대목이였습니다. 하지만 이와 반대로 두 번째 바디는 이러한 부분이 빈약 합니다. 왜 싸이 같은 가수들이 돈을 더 많이 받아야할까??에 대한 답은 명시되어 있지 않은 거 같습니다. 이러한 부분 이외에는 문제되는 것이 없습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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