▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether exercising with other people has more benefits things than doing with alone. This is an intriguing question because opinions regarding this issue can be different relying on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I strongly support that doing exercise together is beneficial for the many following reasons.
First, exercising with others is advantageous because it doing together things helps people learn how to build good relationships, especially in working out. To be specific, doing workout with their friends colleauges allows people to have more give and take process, which as a result helps how to build make healthy relationships through communicating their thoughts and connecting to each other's feelings. Building relationships is a good way to develop the increasingly important social, interpersonal, and communication skills. To illustrate, Steve Jobs, who is the founder of Apple, made great accomplishments in his lifetime. I read online that he was very successful because he was able to build meaningful and deep relationships and networks with other people. He did this by occasionally trying to exercise with his friends and companies. Also he always felt that working out together is beneficial for him in terms of learning to build good relationships and finally, it gave opportunity for him to a better understanding people around him. Thus, it is legitimate to say that exercising with others is helpful to learn to embrace relationships.
On top of that, doing exercise together such as team sports can broaden people's perspectives. What I mean is that team sports like playing soccer and basketball game have more benefits because it helps them to better understand other cultures, lifestyles, and viewpoints. As modern society is becoming increasingly globalized, today's world requires people with international views. People can do this better by participating in diverse team sports clubs on social group activities and playing with different nation's people. So they can deeply and precisely know about various cultures, which makes people push the boundary. To illustrate, Bill Gates, who is the founder of Microsoft, has made great accomplishments in his lifetime. I read book that he was global-minded and culturally sensitive. From these his characteristic, he also tried to join many exercising programs on campus with his friends. Afterwards, he stated that playing team sports with his friends offered opportunities for him to better understand the world as well as his own life. Hence, this proves that working out with people is more advantageous in order to build a good relationships.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that exercising with others has more helpful things than doing exercise by oneself. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument concerning this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-20 | - 두 가지 예시 모두 successful CEO story로 언급해주셨으나, 구체적인 내용에 있어 exaggerated 한 느낌이 많이 있습니다. - building a good relationship 과 broaden perspectives 에서의 단순히 운동을 같이해서 생겨진 것이 아닌 어떠한 activity로 인하여 배울 수 있었는지 예를 들어야합니다.
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