▶ Your Answer :Some people might say that it is more important to promote the economic growth than to protect the environment. In my opinion, however, But I think, it is not acceptable for the government to neglect environmental concerns to promote economic growth. First, protecting the environment is our first duty for our descendants. Second, without a good fresh environment, everything will become meaningless. To begin with, preserving the environment is our most important duty for the next generation. It can not be ignored by anything. It is the supreme job. South pole can be a good the well suited example of this. Because of our behaviors exploiting environment, there are no more places to construct bases or stations. The glaciers are gradually melted. Tropical areas are getting more warmer, hotter, and cold areas are becoming colder and devastated. Each temperatures reached to the become in extreme state. Then the opinion that we have conserve it for our descendants will be undeniable. (What does it mean?) On top of that, if the environment demolishes ed crucially, there will be no meaningful things. Even including any economic growth. It will affect effected on people's life, and then we will be paid back by natural disaster devastating catastrophe. For example, in Japan, the government people built many nuclear development stations. Since they wanted to promote their economic growth. But one day, because of their misunderstanding about each other's communication, the station was explored. And untouchable extent of nature was ruined. (Make it clear) We could not get back the environment pained at that time. There are many other examples that is concerned with the ravage caused by people's mistake. To sum up, it is more important to preserve the environment than to promote the economic growth. it is the most crucial job for us and for our next generation. In this regard, I believe that it is unacceptable for the governments to neglect environmental concerns to promote the economic growth.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 15-18 | - 인트로 바디 결론 순으로 단락을 띄워서 서술하여 주세요.
- 이유는 south pole 하나만으로 제시하셨는데 이후에 tropical등등의 예시가 새롭게 등장하네요. - protecting environment 가 가장 중요한 의무라는 핵심 이유가 등장해야할 것 같아요.
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