▶ Your Answer : 첨삭해주는 것!! 진심 진심 감사드립니다. 이번 작문에서는 아래 첫 볼드체 처리 된 부분에서 successful analysts를 수식한 후에 동사를 쓰기 위에 쌍 콤마( , , )를 사용해보았는데, 이런 구조로 영작을 해도 되는 건지 궁금합니다.
그리고 마지막 문단에서 revealing ~~ to students라고 표현했는데..뭔가 문법적으로 어색하게 느껴져서 이 부분을 어떻게 고치는 것이 좋을지 궁금합니다.
그리고 동명사가 주어이면 동사는 항상 단수형으로 쓰는게 맞나요?
마지막 문단의 맨 마지막은 템플릿에 있는 내용을 그대로 쓴 것인데, 빼는 것이 오히려 나을까요?
It is debatable whether social or political
views of teachers should not be revealed to students in the classroom. This is
an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be different
depending on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support
that social or political views should be known to students for the two
subsequent reasons.
To begin with, it will help students to
become the rich. To be specific, various perspectives to see the societies
allow people to have insights. It means that their analyzing skills of stock
market will be enhanced with developed insights. According to a study done by
UCL institute of finance, successful
analysts, who are within top 10 percent of stock market, have learned have
learned various points of views through their high school classes. This clearly
shows that learning various perspectives can be helpful for students to earn lots
of money.
On top of that, it will help to get good
job opportunities. To explain, students will take an interview to get a job. Many
interviews which are managed by the older generation require students to have
wise and wide ranges of views to make cooperative working environments. As wide
ranges of views are demanded, students should try to learn teacher’s social or
political views to develop their own various perspectives to answer wisely when
they have a job interview. For example, when I was senior of Humboldt
University of Berlin, I had numerous job interviews. I did answer to questions wisely
as I was able to recollect analytical and rational views which I heard from my
high school teachers. If I had not learned various perspectives from my high school
teachers, I would have been unemployed status.
In conclusion, it is quite clear that revealing social and political views of
teachers to students is very helpful. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this
topic has been efficiently and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned
above. |