▶ Your Answer :
The recent drastic change of the
society made a culture of regularly eating at restaurants instead of eating at
home. It has been shown that currently about 70% of the people in the U.S. eat
out at least 3 times a week. There is no shortage of debate whether it is
better to eat out or cook at home. I firmly believe that it is much more
beneficial to eat at home for the following reasons.
First of all, eating out can have
detrimental effects on a person's health. Most restaurants try to use cheap
ingredients with bad quality because it will help make more profit (동사 두 개가 드러갔습니다). Also, they tend to use excessive amounts of
salt, sugar, or chemical additives which can have detrimental effects on a
person's health causing a detrimental health effect on people in general. For example, intake of immoderate amounts of salt can cause
various chronic diseases, such as cancer, diabetes, and stroke. A recent study
conducted by the U.S. Health department has shown that about 70% of all the
restaurants in the U.S. use more amounts of additives that the amount suggested
by the World Health Organization. On the other hand, we can control the amount
of additives that we use when we cook at home.
Second, eating home is economically
beneficial compared to eating outside. The price of food at a restaurant not
only includes the price used to cook the food but also the salary of the
employees, the rent fee of the place, and profit. These various factors make
the product much more expensive than the charge for the raw materials. Also,
some places impose on the customers to pay an additional amount of money for
tax. My experience is an expelling example of this. A restaurant I usually ate
at sold pasta for about 20$ and also laid on an extra 10% because of tax.
However, when I cooked it at home with the same ingredients and cooking method
it only took 10$ to make it.
In conclusion, I contend that it is
much more beneficial for people to cook at home instead of eating out because
it is much more nutritional and cheap.
Good: 24~30 점수: 26 굉장히 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 특히 인트로 부분이 젤 마음을 사로잡은 거 같습니다. 인트로 부분에서 군더더기 없이 아주 매끄럽게 자신이 이 에세이를 통해서 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 지를 가장 잘 보여 준 거 같습니다. 이러한 좋은 방향성 때문에 전반적으로 독립형 에세이가 문법적 오류도 없이 잘 이어져나간거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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