▶ Your Answer :
Undoutedly, working plays a significant role in people's daily life. Some people might think that it is better to work with other people while others think differently. Regarding this issue, I strongly believe that working with many other people is better than working alone for the following two reasons.
To begin with, working with many different people helps a person to build tolerance. It is important to meet as many people as possible in order to accept those with different values, and working with others is an effective way to acheive it. Today's social structure has made it necessary to respect differences of those with dissimilar religious and ethnic beliefs. When people from various backgrounds need to work together, tolerance works as a barrier to prejudice and brings them together. Understanding different goals of life also requires the same attitude. Other people's lifestyles deserve to be treated with respect. For example, some people choose to exercise while others do not. Some people are driven to succeed in their career while others are easy-going about these matters. All of them need to be treated the same. Therefore, it is important to work with others since it can help people accept the dissimilarity of others.
On top of that, it is important to work with others because it helps a person to socialize with more various individuals. It is necessary to learn how to cooporate with others in order to have more personal connections and working with others brings the chance to do it. Imporving relationships with many people has important, positive and long lasting implications in a person's development. Those with strong and supportive bond with many people tend to achieve more in their life because many people choose to hire and work with people close to them. For instance, David who was one of my colleagues from my previous job now works for Human Resource Department of Samsung Electonics. He has been sending me e-mails with new job openings in his company before he posts it on the official site. This shows how essentiall it is to build close connections with people from many different fields. Therefore working with many other people is important because it gives the chance to build more personal connections.
All things considered, I believe that working with others is better than working alone for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of interacting with other people at work cannot be overestimated.
Good: 24~30 점수: 26 아주 간결하게 자신의 의견이 무엇인지를 효과적으로 잘 보여주는 거 같습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 중요하게 적용하는 것은 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 이러한 부분에 있어서 아주 설득력있게 추론하여서 서술한 거 같습니다. 지적할 부분이 없을 만큼 아주 논리적이고 매끄럽게 에세이를 서술한 거 같습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |