▶ Your Answer : One of the best ways for an individual to attain a good personality is to be raised along with good education. Some people claim that good education can be made without the strict rules; however, I think the best way to raise children is to regulate them with some proper rules. To begin with, young children have undeveloped thinking process; therefore, their parents should be the ones who guide them throughout the childhood of their children. Suppose that there is a child who has continuously been told by his or her parents not to eat fast food. That child will likely to recognize that consuming fast food has a bad consequence throughout his or her life. On the other hand, if the child has not been exposed to any regulation of eating fast food, then that child may not even acknowledge that fast food is not good for health. In my opinion, the strict rules act like a guidebook for children. Without the rules, children may suffer when they meet obstacles in their life. Next, the strict rules are helpful because they help children to be obedient to their parents. When children are allowed to do anything they want, they may think they are at the top of everything. However, by simply guiding the children to follow some rules, the parents can assure that they have the hegemony, not their children. To support my opinion, I would like to discuss about my personal experience. When I was five years old, I used to act like I am the king of the world. At the time, I thought every people should follow my words and be grateful to be with me. Thinking back now, I behaved like such because there was no one who restricted me with rules. My parents were always busy at work and my grandmother, who fostered me, was too generous to me. Because of this, I was a naughty child who never appreciated others. Nonetheless, when my father quitted his job and started to look after me, I was forced to follow his rules. After a few years, I have become a whole different person: a polite, obedient woman. Based on my personal experience, I can assert that parents' restrictions are crucial for children. To sum up, following the rules help children throughout their lives. Therefore, strict rules are necessary.
Good: 24~30 점수: 27 군더더기 없이 효과적으로 자신의 의견을 잘 전달하고 있는 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 특히 이 에세이를 통해서 왜 아이들이 엄격한 부모 밑에서 자라나야하는 지를 정확하게 잘 표현 하고 있습니다. 이러한 부분 때문에 이 에세이로 하여금 자신의 의견을 잘 보여주는 거 같습니다. 특히 간결하게 문장들을 서술하면서 자신이 원하는 것 들만 잘 전달해주고 있는 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |