▶ Your Answer :
There is currently a debate about whether people should try out several
different occupations before committing to a long-term job. Perhaps they can experience
diversity occupation before committing to a long-term job, but I believe that
concentrating one occupation is more effective. And there are two reasons; One
is getting success on that job, the other is company wants more that person.
On top of that, trying out several different
occupations before committing to a long-term job cannot bring about the better
result. This is because concentrating one occupation is more effective to one’s
success. According to a recent poll, the majority agreed people studied one occupation
in long time reached success. This is because they have professional about the job.
Fortunately, a report from a famous magazine mentioned that many of successful
people in the world had had only one ability related to their job from childhood.
This would ultimately contribute to the active participation and their best
efforts in life. The reporter concluded his article by saying that concentrating
one occupation upgrade people’ value, and their insights and perspectives would
give them the ability to foresee a bright future.
Second, concentrating one occupation is preferred
by many companies these days. This is because people who concentrate one
occupation were received good result, which ultimately saves the company’s
budget to hire more people. In supporting my view, according to a recent poll
conducted at Seoul National university, many employers prefer hiring workers
with the ability to concentrate one. This is because our society requires
individuals to have high work efficiency as well as their professions.
Additionally, those people who study one job are good at business agility and
efficiency had a higher rate of becoming more active towards society by
contributing their experience and talents. This shows that individuals’ ability
would lift their spirits.
In common purpose, I cannot stress enough
that concentrating on one occupation because getting success and wanting by
company professional people. Opinions may differ from people t o people, but
what does not change is that this topic is something that needs to be addressed.
Good: 24~30 점수: 26 잘 서술하였습니다. 지적할 부분이 없습니다. 문법적이 부분도 틀린 부분이 없고 논리적 결함도 없는 거 같습니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 논리적인 부분이 젤 중요한데 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 명확하게 논리적으로 자신이 무엇을 말하고자 하는 지를 잘 표현해 주고 있는 거 같습니다. 문제가 별로 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |