▶ Your Answer :
An
intriguing topic of discussion at hand is whether students should take a break
to travel or work before going to university or not. It may seem true that
students should not have a year off to travel or work, after graduation from
high school; however, with in-depth analysis the statement seems rather too
far-fetched. Although people may hold different ideas and opinions, I
personally support the idea that students should have a break after they
graduate from high school on account of two reasons: for the following two subsequent reasons.
To
begin with, there are so many advantages to have experiences which are getting
from travel or work from traveling. As students, who had been a high school student for 12
years have not relatively have time to trip did not have enough time to travel. They mostly spent their time for to
study. It means that they might do not have the opportunity to meet with people
who are outside of their life. Since traveling provides valuable experiences
and helping to make new friend from diverse field, they should travel after
their graduation. For example, I will take my personal experience as an example.
After after my high school graduation, I went to Europe. During the trip, It inspired
me a lot to meet new people. There were was an array of people that have different
ideas and talking with these people help me to broaden my perspective who have different ideas. In
addition, I could improve my socialization skill through spending time with
strangers.
Moreover,
a majority of students are responsible for their tuition fee. In reality, it is
impossible that students pay all tuition fees themselves. Although either they
get a student loan or handing from their parents, It is obvious that they
should pay them back. If they have a year length-break after the high school
graduation, they might can earn money by having a job. Furthermore, they can
accumulate the practical career experiences. For instance, my friend, John, had
a year break after the graduation, meanwhile he worked at the café as a
financial manager. Since he got a job, the salary that he earned helped to
release his stress of responsibility of tuition. Although the salary that he
had saved was not enough to pay the entire fee, but it clearly dedicated. If he
did not have a year long break after the graduation, he would feel so
stressful.
In a nutshell, although whether taking a year break
off to work or travel after graduation or not is open to interpretation, it
seems reasonable to claim that students should have a year off to travel or
work because of two reasons discussed in this essay
Fair: 17~23 점수 : 23 일단 이 에세이에서의 잘못된 부분중에 하나는 에세이가 장황합니다. 제가 첨삭해 놓은 것을 보았을 때 불필요한 정보들이 많이 서술되어 있습니다. 이렇게 에세이를 장황하게 서술하는 것 보다는 간결하게 자신의 의견을 전달해 주는 것 이 독립형 에세이에서는 더 중요할 거 같습니다. 이 부분을 항상 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |