■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destory them and replace them with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
▶ Topic :
▶ Your Answer :
. These all resort to the fact that Korea failed to preserve our own old, historic buildings.
This clearly shows the importance of preserving the historical buildings. They themselves can be a valuable asset for tourism. Unlike Korea, Many cities of Europe or Japan which successfully preserved their old, historic buildings are attracting numerous tourists. The shrine of Japan, the Eiffel tower of France, or the Big Ban of Britain are certainly acting as a landmark of the country, and they contribute a lot to increase their countries’ fame.
Old buildings are also a valuable historical asset as well, and contemporary people have the rights to preserve them to our descendants. Destroying them means a great loss of our valuable assets and violating the rights of our descendants.
Furthermore, It is a waste of resources to destory buildings which still functions. Some people might raise the safety problem, but it can be solved by regular maintainance.
Lastly, it has been proven through the history of Korea that when we destroy old buildings and build new ones, the people living in the old building will definitely lose their house. Usually, new buildings are extremely expensive for the existing people to afford, so they have no choice but to leave their house.
Based on the aforementioned reasons, I strongly believe that It is very important, and it is even our duty to preserve old, historical buildings for the sake of not only our descendants, but also people who are living right now.
점수: 22
구조적으로 적절하지 않았던 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 알맞은 구조는 인트로가 나오고 자신의 의견을 서포트 하는 단락 두개와 결론이 나와야합니다. 하지만 지금 이 에세에이는 인트로 부터 꼬인 에세이인거 같습니다. 전반적으로 어떤 부분이 자신의 이유인지도 모르겠습니다. 이러한 부분들은 전체적으로 에세이의 플로우를 방해하게 됩니다. 따라서 좀 더 구조적인 부분을 생각하면서 에세이를 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.