▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that the fewer possessions you have, the happier you will be. On the other hand, I believe that the more possessions will lead to a rich and varied life for the following two reasons.
To begin with, we live in a materialistic world. No matter who we are, it is easy to get a little caught up in the idea of getting new stuff. Even though we already have many things, we are exposed to plenty of ads in the course of our daily lives. Therefore, it is no wonder that most of people feel that the more possessions will bring more a happier life. To be specific, according to the survey, we see 4,000 ads a day. Because a lot of companies are spending a lot of money competing for our attention; that it is really hard to feel happiness without possessions. Without considering this possibility, the statement is not supportive.
In addition, a lot of SNS foster that the more possessions we have, the happier we will be. We may have an experience to post a snap on SNS such as instagram or facebook when we go to a nice restaurant or buy a new cloth. In theses days, it is important to being seen that by a lot of people spend their money to look good. For instance, one of my nephew had an old smartphone. He always envy his friend who have a new smartphone on SNS. He was easily to exposed to his friend’s new smartphone that his parents had to buy new thing for his happiness. Event though there are no fiunctional problems, he was unhappy with an old smartphone. Thus, I think that the statement is unsupportive for this reason.
To sum up, the author’s assumption is unsupportive for the following two reasons. we live in a materialistic world that we are is easy to be exposed by a lot of commercial ads. In addition, a lot of SNS foster that the more possessions we have, the happier we will be.
예상 점수: 17-21 총평: 전체적으로 글에 자잘한 실수들이 많습니다. 제일 많았던 실수는 전치사와 관사와 관련된 실수들이 많습니다. 절들간의 인과관계에 유의하면서 더 정확한 품사를 쓸 수 있도록 해주세요. 또 more happier같이 동의가 반복되는 표현도 없어야 합니다. 수고 많으셨습니다.
|