▶ Your Answer : There are some people who believe that
eating out at restaurants is better than cooking and eating at home. However, I
personally disagree with above idea for two reasons. First, cooking and eating
at home make family relationship better. Second, eating out at restaurants can
be troublesome.
First of all, the special activities such
as making food, eating together may help to the family. To be specific, recently,
there are many families which have troubles, and doing something together can
be meaningful to such family. Let me bring up my personal experience. My family
have had many troubles when I was in middle school. The main reason that my
family talked a little. have trouble is that we have little talk . I was so depressed and stressed.
However, when I was I in high school, I had to take cooking class. The assignment of
cooking class is making cookies and breads with my family. First, I was so worried
about talking to my parents, but at last I talked my parents, and my parents did with
me. Then, my family’s relationship got better than the past. Just one little
activity make made my family bonded and changed my life ever. It is was the most important
moment in my life. Therefore
In addition, there are numerous restaurants
which have bad quality, service, and so on. It can be bad experience to people
who want to have wonderful time by eating out at restaurants. According to the
recent researching done by Chung-ang university in seoul, korea, 80 percent of
the respondents said that they have did not have a good experience at restaurants.
In conclusion, cooking and eating at home
can be important thing to family and eating out at restaurants is not a good
idea. For these reasons, I personally believe that cooking and eating at home
is better than eating out at restaurants.
예상 점수: 14-17 총평: 우선 글에 자잘한 오류들이 너무 많습니다. 어법상 조금 더 간단하고 동사를 활용한 직접적인 표현을 쓰는 연습을 하실 필요가 있습니다. 현재의 표현들은 지나치게 수동적이며 필요없는 부분이 문장에 많습니다. 또 시제도 과거일때는 과거형으로 통일해서 써주셔야 합니다. 현재의 글은 너무 뒤죽박죽인 면이 많습니다. 내용은 적절하지만 조금 더 구체적이고 사실적이게 디테일을 붙이실 필요가 있습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. |