▶ Your Answer : Nowadays, most people prefer to spend time with a few friends rather than many friends. Some people insist that spending time with a few friends be better than doing a lot of friends is better while others disagree. I agree with the latter statement. In this writhing, I will represent main reasons why it is better to spend time with a plenty of friends based on my experiences for the following two subsequent reasons.
First of all, when in danger, we can help each other in an effective way, especially, having abrupt bad incidents while travelling. Most people could face some troubles in their life at a sudden (이 상황이랑 친구가 조금 있는 것이랑 무슨 연관성이 있는지 구체적으로 말하고 난 다음에 예시로 넘어가는 것이 적절할 거ㄱㅏㅌ 습니다). For example, I had a chance to travel to South China with my classmates. We all were 10 people and enjoyed visiting a lot of historical buildings, the old castles, and traditional villages. However, some of us got pick-pocketed by a local thief. So, they didn't did not (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다) have any money to keep traveling with us. Also, they didn't know how to handle the situation and felt so disappointed that they could have arduous trip. But, even though not have a lot of money for the trip However, even though we did not have enough money to sustain traveling, the other classmates started to help their bad financial situation. That really helped them and made them so impressed with. Finally, we was were able to finish enjoyable and memorable trip. Thus, I strongly think that spending time with many friends could be helpful to overcome hardships.
Also, we could improve our social skills when having a good relationship with a lot of friends in an easier way. Socialization skill plays an vital role in having successful life. So, it is a good idea to develop it as soon as possible. For instance, when in a high school when I was a high school students, I joined a variety of extracurricular clubs like a bicycle club, English conversation studying club, and movie club. So, I got to meet with diverse people at each club so that it was fundamental for me to improve my social skill, such as listening to others, and how to get closer with strangers. Therefore, I powerfully assert that having time with a lot of friends is good to progress socialization skills.
In conclusion, I have shown main reasons why spending time with a wide range of people is better than a few friends based on dealing with difficult situations and improving socialization skills. I firmly believe that it has some advantages.
점수: 22 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀것은 일단 주제를 벗어났다라는 생각이 많이 드는 에세이엿습니다. 첫 번째 단락이나 두 번째 단락 모두 친구들과 무슨 연관이 있지? 라는 의문이 들게 하는 에세이엿던 거 같습니다. 에세이를 서술하실 때 좀 더 주제와 연관을 주면서 서술하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 또한 문법적 오류들이 너무 많습니다. 제가 첨삭하는 부분들을 보시면서 어느 부분이 잘못된 것인지를 파악하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |