▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that most business owners are driven only by the desire for wealth. However, in my opinion, there are some other factors to bring success to them and some companies do not put wealth as a first priority. There are two reasons for this. First, business owners should consider their social reputation to succeed. Second, there are some companies which have their own conviction with their business regardless f earning money. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, in the process of pursuing solely on money, sometimes the company has to ignore the importance of the environment. Since eco-friendly products are usually expensive to make, it is hard to be the first priority if the company only thinks about money. Not only ignoring environmental issues, but also company can stint about donating money for the society if they simply want to accumulate wealth donating money can become to accumulate the wealth. However, by putting these behind money, they are bound to lose customer's credibility. And this will be a serious impediment for the company's goal. For instance, there was a survey conducted by a group of marketing majors, with 200 university school students as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand their standards and priorities when purchasing products or using services. The majority of respondents replied that they do not only care about the quality of product or service but also from which company they are made. An overwhelming 85% responded that if the company's image is bad because of their indifference about the environment and social issues, they would probably hesitate to use their products. This survey proves that the meaning of success is related to many kinds of factors. So entrepreneurs cannot only think about money during business.
On top of that, there are some owners who drive their company with the pursuit of accomplishing their own conviction. Sometimes, it could be against with accumulating wealth. However, since the company wants to disseminate their conviction and they believe it is a right thing, they accept some of (monetary issues. For example, I'll talk about one publishing company, Kyobo Mungo, in South Korea. The owner of Kyobo Mungo has always said "Our company's goal is not to sell books. But to let people read books. " With this creed, even they are not the library, they have very big tables in every bookstore the Kyobo Mungo has so that people can read books conveniently. This cannot be understood easily when you solely think about money when it comes to the company's purpose. However, like Kyobo Mungo's owner, there are definitely some entrepreneurs hoping to achieve their own convictions regardless of money.
To sum up, since a company's success is closely associated with having a good image, owners are doomed to considerate some other things except money. Also, the purpose of one company can be delivering their messages which is not related to increasing income.
점수: 24 약간의 문법적 오류들이 있습니다. 이러한 문법적 오류들은 전체적인 에세이 플로우를 방해하고 있기 때문에 제가 첨삭한 부분을 보면서 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 지금 이 에세이는 문법적 부분만 고쳐주면 아주 좋은 에세이가 될 것 같습니다. 왜냐하면 문법적 부분 이외에는 전체적으로 각 단락들이 아주 논리적으로 자신의 의견을 풀어나가기 때문입니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |