▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether it is beneficial for young people to choose a job in the same field as their parents than to select a different career for themselves. Some people might think that it is harmful for them. In my opinion, however, I totally support that having a job in the same field as their parents is a bless and motivate motivation for them for the following two reasons.
To begin with, a job in the same study as their parents have a positive effect on their children. To be specific, parents can help them because they already have many experience and skilled abilities. This is because parents who are skillful in their field can advise their children to go their straight path. Thus, children can develop their talent and skills without high risk. For instance, according to a study conducted by the Korea Times, up to 80 percent of young people who have a profession in the same field as their parents can more manage their quality life and successful career. This demonstrates that their parents who have a job in the same field have a lot of merits and positive influence on their children.
In addition, they can actively motivate their children. Typically, children tend to have a desire that wants to imitate their parents’ appearance and lifestyle. To be specific, parents play a vital role in their life plan and they can become a good role model. For example, when I was in a music of school student, I took courses in piano philosophy, performance, and history of piano music. This is because my father was one of the well-known pianists at that time. Eventually, I chose major in piano and wanted to be a good pianist. Hence, I recognized that parents could be an ideal role model and a job in the same major can powerfully inspire their children.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is more advantageous for young people to make a choice an occupation in the same field as their parents. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this topic has a huge impact on our future.
점수: 26 아주 논리적으로 자신의 의견을 잘 풀어나간 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 각 단락들이 자기가 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지를 잘 알고 있는 거 같습니다. 잘 알고 있기 때문에 전체적으로 논리적이게 서술된 거 같습니다. 문법적 오류들도 없고요. 잘 서술하엿습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |