topic: After graduating from high school, students should take a year off to travel or work before going to college.
agree.
some people might people say that after graduating from high school, students should take going to college. it is because the faster the students take going to college, the greater they have much more study they majors. however, in my opinion, planing go to college students should take a year off to travel or work
and my view can be greatly substantiated by reason addressed below
to begin with, diverse experience is helpful to their life about broaden their horizens and they met trouble to flexible.
to be specific, the experience is one of the most factors of success in the world.
imagin people only have to textbook knowledge during their life. they views will be so narrow when dealing with trouble. by attaining a wide variety of experience, people can not only divers experience but also broaden their horizen
for example, I’ll give an example on my self.
when I was university student, I had a stereotype of the job that require service.
however, with the advice my friend, I decided to acquire the internship of division of service company. the first time, I was so hard and think to give up. as time goes on. I think that the service is fitted perfectly my characteristic.
had it not been for experience, I would be not able to realized that I was bound the stereotype.
on top of that, many experience make a human relationship.
to be specific. the meaning of successed has changed completely compare in the past. it is merely focusing on one’s own way and excelling other. now it is different. you cannot bo good on own’s way along your ability. it is sometime necessary to people of support you and help you out at hard times. in this sense, being exposed a wide of variety circumstance can be helpful
for instance, there were a survey conducted a group of business administration major with 200 company manager as responded. the purpose of a survey was to understand their thought about helping the relation when dealing with trouble.
a majority respondents replied that the relation is most helpful their problem.
because, when their come met serious circumstance, they come up thought before they friend who had similar experience. and they applicate the answer to the problem.
to sum up, I believe that After graduating from high school, students should take a year off to travel or work before going to college is very helpful the students life.
it is because many experience make a human relationship and diverse experience is helpful to their life about broaden their horizens and they met trouble to flexible.
전체적으로 너무 장황하다라고 느껴지는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 많이 부족한 거 같습니다. 각 단락들이 너무 장황하다 보니 에세이를 통하여서 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 이해가 되지 않습니다. 따라서 좀 더 간결하게 본인의 의견을 전달하면 더 좋은 에세이가 될거 같습니다. 수고많으셧습니다.