■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Proving students with grades promotes learning. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people believe that it is efficient to estimate students with their grades, which makes students could improve their study. However, my opinion is pretty different. I strongly believe that it is not good to prove students with their score at all. Here are two reasons for my opinion proving grades does not lead to increase in learning.
First of all, judging students with their grades makes poor students less confident. Furthermore, it makes them stressed out (좀 더 이유에 대한 구체적 설명을 더 하시길 바랍니다). For example, when I was in middle school second grade, I once made a serious mistake during my first mid-term. Consequently, my grades became really low, and almost all teachers disappointed to me. Even though they were close to me when I was a good student. It gave me a deep shock, and after that, I was really depressed and sad for months.
Secondly, in a school, there are various students who have various benefits. It is natural that each student has a special ability with his or her own field. Thus, people cannot underestimate students just because they have low grades in their school works. There are some students who are good at music, art, or exercise. One of my friends, Hana, did not have high grades in school. On the other hand, she almost seemed like a professional when she played the violin. As a result, she went to one of the most famous music university in our country. Although some teachers did not think her as a good student, all her friends including me were very proud of her.
In a nutshell, I disagree with the statement that the connection between students and their grades is needed and it will become a motivation for students. I firmly think it makes no sense for two reasons, making poor students more depressed and dismissing different abilities of different students.
점수: 25 일단 지금 이 에세이는 내용면에 있어서는 잘 서술하였습니다. 하지만 아쉬운 부분이 하나 있습니다. 가장 큰 아쉬운 부분은 이유에 대한 구체적 설명이 많이 부족합니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에 있어서는 이유에 대한 설명이 부족합니다. 설명이 부족한 상황에서 바로 예시로 넘어가는 거 같습니다. 예시로 바로 넘어가는 것 보다는 이유에 대한 구체적 설명을 더 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |
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잘 부탁드려요!! 교정까지 30분 꽉 채워서 했고 글자수는 296이에요~