▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, living in a city plays a significant role in people`s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think that living in one city or town is much better than moving from one city to another, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that moving from one city to another is much better than living in one city or town. There are several reasons as follows. To begin with, moving from one city to another city can contribute to an increase in overall their happiness. It gives them more chances to experience something different from what they would do in their usual routine. A new experience tends to prevent them from feeling bored in life. For example, when my sister was in high school, she often felt depressed thinking that her life became an exhausting routine. To survive in a competitive world, she spent the whole day studying all academic subjects, hoping that she could outdo others. Fortunately, she was able to deal with such pressure and stress in a safe way by transferring to other high school in other city. There were not competitive atmosphere in the school in which she moved to and many student felt happy. By spending time on the school, she was able to let off some steam. If she had not move to other city, she would not have been able to escape her boring life. In addition, when people move from one city or town to another, it will help them cultivate important qualities needed for success. Living in another city or town requires them to be diligent, passionate, and self-disciplined. When these personal traits are developed, it is likely to bring a better result in life. For instance, my youngest brother did poorly in his company. he got distracted easily, procrastinated, and acted on impulse. However, he has changed little by little by moving other city. In the new city, he had to be diligent and spend much time on confirming to other lifestyles. He realized that his active participation could help him work with others easily, while his laziness could negatively affect everyone. Thanks to his active participation, he started to maintain a good behavior by raising his performance in the company. He had a bonus every year and obtained promotion. If he had not moved to other city, he would not have fallen behind. All things considered, I strongly believe that advantages of moving from one city to another far outweigh those of living in one city or town for reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of moving from one city to another cannot be overestimated in life.
점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 군더더기 없이 잘 서술하였습니다. 각 단락의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시를 통하여서 왜 이사를 다니는 것이 좋은 지를 구체적이고 논리정연하게 설명을 잘 하였습니다. 전반적으로 잘 서술한 독립형 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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