▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that they should spend as much money in sports as they do on libraries. It is true that exercising is as much important as studying for the reason of health. However, the main purpose of universities is to provide students with convenient studying place with beneficial information. Not only that, exercising can be done in many other kinds of venues. These arguments would be explained with more details below. for the following two subsequent reasons (따라서 본인의 주장이 무엇인거죠? 주장이 나타나지 않습니다)
To begin with, the purpose of universities (문장이 끝나지 않았습니다 목적이 무엇인가요?). Universities are made for the purpose of studying and learning Students study in the universities. All students gather in universities so as to gain knowledge and share their ideas to gain knowledge and share ideas. It would be of course nice to have a place where students can play sports additionally. However, the main purpose of the universities should not be disturbed. This means they have to spend more money on libraries for students’ learning than spending money for their sports University should invest more money on the libraries itself. For example, I am in a junior year of ewha university. They particularly concentrate more to events regarded to some sports like soccer and volley ball. I understand their point that moving a lot makes our body healthy but, because of these sports plan, our school is having some problems in library. Three out of Five five (대문자는 문장 시작할 때만 서술하시길 바랍니다) computers do not work and our school cannot buy all of the books that students want. Although they are spending same amount of money on both fields, they should concentrate more on the libraries because the university is where students come to learn and study and the library is in need of more money for better management.
On top of that, students can play sports in lots of other places. I admit the fact that students would be more convenient to enjoy sports in near places which would be inside of the university. Nevertheless, it is also true that there are lots of other places to exercise outside of universities. They normally have better facilities than universities for the reason that those places only concentrate on the place itself. For instance, even if the facilities for sports my university are excellent, fitness center and soccer field near my house is much larger and fresh. The facilities for exercising are new and air conditioners work well so it is refreshing in summer. Moreover, there are also people who help others who do not know how to use the sporting goods.
To sum up, each institution has its own purpose and it is clever to concentrate on to that to make everything work efficiently. The original purpose of universities is to make an appropriate environments for students so that they can focus on studying. Furthermore, other sporting facilities are better than the one located in universities. In this regard, I think it is not a good choice to spend as much as money on sports as they do on libraries.
점수: 22 전체적으로 인트로 부터 시작하여서 결론까지 너무 장황한 에세이입니다. 이유에 대해 구체적으로 서술하여서 장황하다라고 느껴지는 것 보다는 오히려 좀 더 불필요한 예시에 중점을 두면서 에세이를 서술하는 거 같습니다. 에세이가 장황하게 되다 보면 원레 자신이 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질되기 때문에 좀 더 간결하게 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |