▶ Your Answer :
There is currently a debate about whether it is better to use the internet when doing research, rather than using printed materials. The answer to this question may greatly vary depending on the individuals’ perspectives. However, after pondering upon this idea from several aspects, I am of the opinion that using the internet is preferable when searching information with two essential reasons: people can reduce energy and time if they use internet to research and the internet provides the latest data sources. (이미 이유들을 밑에서 서술할 것이기 때문에 굳이 인트로를 장황하게 서술할 필요가 없습니다) To begin with, people are more likely gain information efficiently with the use of the internet people can gain more useful information. It is evident that the access to internet is freely available if there is a computer or lab-top and wifi. Thus, what people have to do to get information is just a few mouse clicks. According to a recent research, conducted by Seoul National University, since the dissemination of the internet, students were able to finish could finish their assignments two times faster compared to the past where only existed paper books and articles. in comparison to the past This is because students Students (this is because는 적절하지 않는 표현 입니다) can find a plenty of data easily apply it to their homework. The professor concluded his study by stating that, the advantage of the internet’s usage is something we should consider deeply in order to do the work or research more efficiently. On top of that, there are lots of data which are produced at the latest in the network. Many consider that the internet possesses too many data and most of them are junk and usefulness information. However, it is undeniable if the materials are carefully and appropriately used on right purpose, people can gain the newest sources which are not available at paper books and articles yet. For example, when I was in university, I participated in a group project in a politic class. We were assigned a presentation about the upcoming election of president of which information were quite hard to find at the library. Therefore, we started to look up the data on several social and political websites, there we could gain some useful sources about the candidates. As a result, we could do the presentation successfully. Had we not tried using the internet, we might have not found enough data and eventually gave the class poor presentation. This shows that by using the internet adequately, people can get access to the latest data. To conclude, I believe that there is no doubt that it is better to use internet to gather data, rather than using paper materials. Opinions may vary from people to people, but what does not change is that this topic is something that needs to be addressed.
점수: 22 전체적으로 어색한 표현들과 불필요한 부연설명들이 많은 독립형 에세이입니다. 이러한 부분들은 에세이 플로우로 하여금 방해를 줍니다. 에세이 플로우가 방해를 받게 되다 보면 본레 자기가 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질되게 됩니다. 의미들이 변질되게 되다 보면 이 에세이의 주제가 흐려지게 되니 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. (439자) |