■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic : People attend university or college for many different reasons. Why do you people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. |
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▶ Your Answer : | There are many various reasons why people attend university or college. Actually, people tend to attend university or college to obtain a degree, increase their knowledge, or get new experiences because it may be useful to get a job, however I think that the most primarily the purpose to attend it is pride of university that they hope to go. (문장이 너무 길어요. 끊어주세요.) Although people may hold different ideas or opinions, I personally support the idea that people attend university or college because of pride about university that they want to go than other statements on account of two reasons. Firstly, it is because they tend to be recognized by their neighbors, attending there. For example, as far as I know, there are many famous universities known as world top-ranked university like MIT, Harvard, and ETC, which are classified by some standards. It may seem that they have classified the universities. This phenomenon has encouraged them to feel a pride of college through attending a certain level of university. If you attend university that you wanted to go, you also may feel enormous pride about yourself that you entered a college and be sincere in the university. Secondly, even if it is not all of life to enter a college, the university is an important and valuable goal of adolescent times in one’s life. Because, in fact, the majority courses of high school are basic and essential for going to college, except for a high school with a special purpose, such as technology or art, thus, most of people are generalized for them to aim to go to college, as they are educated in general school. (이 부분 역시 문장이 너무 길어요... 3문장으로 끊을 수 있을만큼 길어서 가독성을 떨어뜨립니다. 컴마 사용을 최대한 자제하고 문장을 짧고 간결하게 해주세요.) In conclusion, it is not always applicable to entire people however it has distinct reason that the bulk of people applicable, therefore, the ultimate reason of entering a university may be because of behavior that seeks to be proud of entering a college.. (conclusion도 너무 길어요. 한 문장이라는 건 말도 안 돼요!)
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점수: 17/30
1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. introduction이 두 개 있는 것 처럼 느껴집니다. 서론을 짧게 해주세요.
3. 문장이 전체적으로 너무 길고, 늘어지는 느낌이 있습니다.
가독성이 현저히 떨어집니다. 문장의 길이 때문에 내용이 눈에 잘 안 들어와요.
컴마 사용을 하지 마시고 짧게 유지해주세요.
4. 문장의 시작을 because로 하는 것은 바람직하지 않습니다.
대체어를 찾아 써주세요~!
수고하셨습니다. *^^*