■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Thinking positively when you fail is more important than succeeding itself.
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▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, success and fail play a significant role in people`s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think that thinking positively when they fail is more important than succeeding itself, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that it is more important for people to think positively when they fail than to succeed itself. There are several reasons as follows. To begin with, when people think positively about their fail, they can cultivate qualities needed for success in the future. It requires people to be patient (품사), passionate, and self-disciplined. When these personal traits are developed, it is likely to bring a better result in performance. For example, my youngest brother failed to pass the university entrance exam in high school. However, he was not depressed and analyzed the cause of fail. Next year, eventually, he passed the test and went to the top university. If he had not thought positively, he would not have fallen behind. (not의 잘못된 사용으로 인해서 완전히 다른 의미의 문장이 되어버렸습니다) In addition, thinking positively when people fail can contribute to improving their mental health. It gives them a chance to improve their mental health (앞전 문장과 반복되는 내용이라 지루해질 수 있습니다) and thus be confident about themselves. High confidence tends to prevent them from feeling inferior to others. For instance, when my sister was in high school, she often felt depressed thinking that her life became an exhausting routine. To survive in a competitive world, she spent the whole day studying all academic subjects, hoping that she could outdo others. Although she made constant effort, it was not easy because everyone was working as hard as she was. Fortunately, she was able to make her life more successful (품사) by thinking positively when she got bad grades in tests. By doing this, she was able to see positive results that she excelled all throughout high school and received A`s in classes she contributed to. Many people around her started to respect her, allowing her to be more confident, optimistic, and strong. All things considered, I strongly believe that advantages of thinking positively when they fail far outweigh those of succeeding itself for reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of thinking positively although you fail cannot be overestimated in life.
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점수: 26/30
다 좋습니다,
단어의 품사만 꼼꼼히 외워주세요!
그리고 본문에 피드백 드린 내용 수정해주시면 좋을 거 같아요
수고하셨습니다. *^^*