▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, success and fail play a significant role in people`s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think that thinking positively when they fail is more important than succeeding itself, while others do not think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that it is more important for people to think positively when they fail than to succeed itself. There are several reasons as follows. for the following two subsequent reasons. To begin with, when people think positively about their fail, they can cultivate qualities needed for success in the future people can build good qualities needed for success. It requires people to be patience, passionate, and self-disciplined. When these personal traits are developed, it is likely to bring a better result in performance brings about a better result in work performance. For example, my youngest brother failed to pass the university entrance exam in high school. However, he did not be depressed and analyzed the cause of fail become depressed and analyzed the cause of fail. Next year, eventually, he passed the test and went to the top university. If he had not thought positively, he would not have fallen behind. In addition, thinking positively when people fail can contribute to improving their mental health people can improve mental health. It gives them a chance to improve their mental health and thus be confident about themselves. High confidence tends to prevent prevents them from feeling inferior to others. For instance, when my sister was in high school, she often felt depressed thinking that her life became an exhausting routine. To survive in a competitive world, she spent the whole day studying all academic subjects, hoping that she could outdo others. Although she made constant effort, it was not easy because everyone was working as hard as she was. Fortunately, she was able to make could make her life more successfully by thinking positively when she got bad grades in tests. By doing this, she was able to see positive results that she excel all throughout high school and received A`s in classes she contributed to. In doing so she could receive positive results in work performance Many people around her started to respect her, allowing her to be more confident, optimistic, and strong. All things considered, I strongly believe that advantages of thinking positively when they fail far outweigh those of succeeding itself for reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of thinking positively although you fail cannot be overestimated in life.
점수: 21 각 단락이 서로 문제가 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 첫 번째 이유 같은 경우는 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 어색한 표현들은 에세이 플로우를 방해하는 역할을 하기 때문에 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째 이유 같은 경우는 예시가 주제를 벗어났습니다. 항상 예시를 선정 할 때 주제와 초점을 맞추면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |