▶ Your Answer : Some people take it granted that taking economic courses even though their major is quite far from economics such as psychology or biology, is completely useless (이 문장을 통하여서 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다). However, contrary to this idea in contrast to this idea, it is clear that all college student should listen some of basic economic lectures in their courses. The rationale behind this is that economics is important for well-being and help improving students’ own major. for the following two subsequent reasons (좀 더 자신의 주장을 명확하게 서술하시길 바랍니다)
To begin with, economics takes take (economics는 복수 주어 입니다) great role in our daily life. Since college is not only just for studying but also the place where students could learn how to live their life in a good way, learning financial standards or strategies will gave them numerous advantages. Knowing how to manage their income or deal with their financial circumstances are necessary is necessary. From my experience, one of my uncle was a very skillful doctor who earned almost millions dollars by his professional surgery. However, he was just master in medical field but in kinder garden level at economics, he suddenly lost all the money and became poor. If he studied a very basic of the economics, that would have never been happened.
Moreover, integration economics with other major can make synergy. While studying economics, you don’t just learn how to calculate the money or how to draw supply-demand graph people do not just learn how to calculate the money (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말과 you를 서술하면 안됩니다). The essential part of economics is how to decide things logically. Rational decision is always right choice. In one experiment, people who learn economics show more prudent decision compared to people who had never listen any of economics in their life. If well mixed with students’ own studying, it gave them a light form enhanced GPA to great career in their field. People always are needed to think logically. For example, imagine one can make decision considering the effect, cost, and outcome and the other just follow his or her feeling or mind. Who do you think can be a more successful in their career?
In conclusion, all students should take the simple economic coursed during college. The reason is that economics can make your daily life rich and help you think logically anywhere, anytime which also can lead your life successes.
점수: 26 약간의 어색한 표현들과 불필요한 부연설명들이 보여지는 독립형 에세이입니다. 이러한 부분들은 에세이로 하여금 플로우를 방해합니다 따라서 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분들을 재외하면 전체적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 보여주는 독립형 에세이입니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |