▶ Your Answer :
There has been an argument regarding
the issue of whether a person’s look and dress is more important for success
than having good ideas. Some people believe this notion and therefore, try to show
off themselves as much as possible. In contrast, from my perspective, what
really makes a person leading to success is the possession of good ideas for
the following reasons.
To begin with, person containing innovative
ideas can come up with distinct solution compared to other people in comparison to other people. Generally
speaking, nowadays, most people try to follow the popular trend and therefore, lose
the opportunity to become a ‘successful person’ by not only having similar
belief or thought but also dressing themselves with analogous fashion. However,
people who are renowned and called as a ‘successful people’ are the ones made
those trends by seriously considering good ideas who seriously consider about their thoughts. For example, Steve Jobs, also
known as the CEO of Apple company, came up with very innovative idea when he
first founded his company, which is the design of ‘apple logo’. By coming up
with this novel idea, he could lead his small company to become one of the
biggest smart phone companies. In this respect, what people should really
consider to be successful is the ‘idea’.
Furthermore, people who have good
ideas can put themselves in a better condition to become successful than people
who do not have. Recently, what companies considers consider (companies는 복수 주어 입니다) the most is the ability of
brainstorming. This seems to be a very simple task for many people but truly contains
the real ‘key’ to become successful. For instance, my father works in company,
SAMSUNG and tells us that he has periodic conversation with their team members
to have brain storming. Last week, he could come up with very valuable idea,
designing their smart phone case more naturally and this leads to extreme high
demand from customers. He finally promoted to leader of his team and briefly told
us that persistent practice of brainstorming gives the precious idea and also led
people to contain good ideas in their brain. Hence, having good ideas should be
considered as the key component to the success.
In
conclusion, what the society really evaluates is the person’s ability to come
up with valuable ideas. As I mentioned above, people containing good ideas can
not only come up with distinct solution but also put themselves in a high
quality of environment which is suitable for becoming successful.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이는 인트로 부터 시작하여서 결론까지 전반적으로 장황하게 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 장황하게 서술되었다라고 느껴지는 가장 결정적인 요인은 전반적으로 불필요한 부연설명들이 많습니다. 불필요한 부연설명이 많다 보니 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겟습니다. 따라서 좀 더 간결하게 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |