▶ Your Answer :
In this essay, I will present two reasons to support my
idea; first is no one is going to conduct research if they should be
responsible for the negative consequences, and second is it is unexpectable to
have positive consequences without failure. (주제가 명확하게 나오지 않는 독립형 에세이입니다. 주제 부터 시작해서 훅이랑 상대방 의견도 명확하게 나오지 않습니다)
Firstly, there
is a notion called ‘research fund’. The system of research fund is made because
many researchers, especially researchers in scientific fields need a great deal
of money to conduct their experiments. Let’s say that scientists should be
responsible for their negative outcomes – probably they should pay back a lot
of their research fund and it might be very burdensome to financial problems in
their lives. Can they continue their research, then? Perhaps, no. Because they
have no capital to conduct the project and fear of another failure, it is
almost impossible for them to keep doing their research, unless they are very
rich to make up for it. Thus, it is foundation or government’s job to be
responsible for the consequence, which means scientists should not be
responsible for every bad result but should try their best for the good
experiment.
Secondly, how
can a researcher know what to change or what would be a better idea if he or
she doesn’t find shortcomings in research? The famous scientist, Thomas Edison
said that “I have not failed 10,000 times – I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways
that will not work.” Moreover, there is a proverb, “Failure is but a stepping
stone to success.” There are a lot more sayings similar to these. Thus, we must
realize that without failure, it is difficult to succeed. Seeking for success
without failure is just sitting down and waiting for a rabbit to come. Thus, it
is wrong to make scientists be responsible for their negative consequences; we
should rather accept it and wait longer for the good outcome.
점수: 23 설명 부분에 있어서는 명확하게 자기가 무엇을 말하려고 하는 지를 잘 알고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 하지만 지금 이 에세이는 인트로와 결론이 좋지 않습니다. 인트로 같은 경우에 있어서는 주제에 대해 명확하게 나와있지 않습니다. 또한 독립형 에세이에서 결론이 하는 역할은 에세이를 마무리 짓는 부분을 하는데 지금 이 에세이는 결론 자체가 없습니다. 이 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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