▶ Your Answer :
In this essay, I will present two reasons to support my
idea; first is that there are too many functions in one device, and second is that
there are functions too simplified, thus we cannot even understand each
function – people cannot use it properly, so device is no use for many people.
First of all, nowadays, especially smartphones have too many
functions in one device. There are two problems emerging with this: first is
that people regard it very complicated(무슨 뜻으로 쓰신건가요? 약간 의미가 모호한 것 같습니다), thus they do not try to use all of the
functions but only use things they need; second is that all of those functions
are connected, so if one of the functions is broken, then we should repair all
of them, which is very useless. For example, All-in-one PC is a big hit product
these days; however, when the PC is broken, we should fix all of the device. It
is unable to fix only the part of the broken part, since such PC has everything
connected. It costs unnecessary time and costs – which is very inefficient.(이건 약간 off topic같습니다. 고칠 때의 이야기는 약간 관련이 없어 보입니다)
Secondly, there are many functions and among those, people
have troubles using it. Many of the new applications in smartphones are too
simplified, which means without learning it, it is difficult to understand it;
however, people do not have an enough time to spend on learning on use of application.
Thus, a lot of people actually do not use such an application, which leads to
make the application useless. According to survey conducted in Yonsei
University, about 75% people said it is hard for them to know about every
application. Furthermore, more than 80% of adults older than 50 replied that
there are so many applications they are not able to use. Likewise, such
technology was actually designed to make people’s lives simpler, however, it
turns out to make us more complicated. (앱 이야기가 너무 긴 것 같습니다. 이게 한 example로 나오는 건 좋은데, 설명이 너무 길었던 것 같습니다)
문장 중간중간 off topic계속 보입니다. 주제는 "기술 자체"가 사람의 삶을 편하게 만들었냐, 그 반대인가 인데 기술 보다는 하나의 device에 너무 들어가서 작성한 것 같습니다. 그리고 주제는 기술인데, 에세이는 앱이나, 고칠떄의 불편한 점을 말하다 보니 읽다가 이해가 가지 않는 부분이 약간씩 보였던 것 같습니다. 이번 에세이는 다시 써보는 것도 나쁘지 않은 것 같습니다.
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