Some people think that it is unfair that a car owner should pay a fee when the one drives during rush hour. However, charging fee is an appropriate action because commute time is taking en too much and pollutant from many cars is harmful for people’s health.
First of all, people waste their time on the road during rush hour. To be specific, driving their own car during rush hour lose other’s valuable time by disturbing each other. I think that charging a fee is a possible solution to alleviate the traffic jam during morning and evening commutes. Studies by the United Kingdom’s Department of Transport have shown that charging a fee significantly cuts down on car usage that people make in their own vehicles. In London, the number of people that drive during commute time plummeted by 33 percent after imposing a fine. As a result, there were far fewer personal vehicles on the road during rush hour, and people on the road enjoyed a much smoother flow of traffic.
On top of that, gases from cars negatively affect people’s health. To be specific, automobiles emit detrimental gases from their cylinders and go directly into the air, which means that it can cause reduced visibility and worsen people’s health. According to the Environmental Protection Agency, the start and stop traffic of peak hours results in idling, which is when a vehicle’s engine is running while the car is not moving. Idling adds significantly to emissions of carbon monoxide, a poisonous gas that is toxic to humans. Thus, the agency has maintained that imposing a penalty for driving during rush hour is a plausible way to curtail the air pollution.
To sum up, it is necessary to relieve traffic congestion and ameliorate pollution in busy cities. In this regard, I think that a fine is the best solution in order to improve people’s life.
Good (24–30)
서론
-과거에 끝난 일이 아니라 현재에도 지속되는 일이므로 ing로 써주세요.
두번째 본문
-파란 부분 이해하기 어렵습니다. 그냥 traffic jam이라고 표현하셔도 됩니다.
두 본문 다 내용 괜찮습니다. 어휘도 신경써서 쓰신 것이 보이네요. 문법/표현 더 연습해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~