▶ Your Answer :
Some people say that your job affects your
happiness more than your social life. However, in my opinion, the social life
is much more important. This is because good happy social life can relive your stress.
Also, your relationship with your colleagues makes you happy.
First, by interacting with your colleagues,
you can build the great relationship in your work place. It will be strength
force to you when you are in trouble. Also it is going to will reduce your stress
which makes you happy. Having the outlet for stress has a meaning in itself
since it helps you regain energy and find the strength to go on. For example,
one of my friends was working in a construction place. His job was physically
hard because he had to lift up and transport heavy stuffs. However, he was very
good at social life. His seniors and colleagues liked him so he could always have
a great time with them. It made him endure hard work and also happy.
Second, the relationship with your
co-workers is more important than your job. (What makes that important?) Suppose that you have a lucrative
job but you have a trouble with your colleagues everyday. Would it be possible
to say it is a happy life? The answer will be no. The only method you are satisfied
with your work is having a good social life. For example, I had a part time job
that was tutoring a middle school student. At that time, I could earn money a
lot because the place that students lived in was very famous. (This sentence seems unnecessary) However, one
problem was he (Who's that?) did not like me. Likewise I hate his personality. Thus I quit
that job. Now I am working in a coffee shop in front of my house. Although I
cannot make money as much as before, I like this place and I am very happy
since my wonderful friends in the cafe. In this sense, the social life is more
crucial on your happiness.
To sum up, you can relive your stress by
keeping good social life. Also you can be happy with your great co-workers or
friends. In this regard, I think you are able to be happy through your social
life more than your job. | 채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 16-19 | - formal essay에서 I, You, We 등 personal noun은 자제해주시는 것이 좋습니다. - strength와 force는 같은 의미의 단어입니다. - 예시가 다소 simple한 편입니다.
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